Film Fatale

What do movie fans hate most about movie critics?

1. Spoilers.

2. Genre haters. If you've never liked video games, horror, sci fi -- don't review those movies. We know what you're going to say.

3. Plot-summarizersIf a review's nothing but synopsis, that's a good sign that the critic has no opinion at all.

4. Unstoppable typists. A review shouldn't take longer to read than the movie takes to watch. 5,000 words on CLERKS II? Why?

Slate praises the New York Times television film-capsule writers, especially the late Howard Thompson, whose forty years of miniature reviews still run in the TV listings. A couple of samples:

THE GUNS OF NAVARONE. Allied commando mission. Strong on scenery, but it weighs 10 tons.

MATILDA. A boxing kangaroo. What the world needs now.

His successors include Times TV editor Jody Alesandro, Anita Gates, and Lawrence Van Gelder. I love this review for HALLOWEEN 4: THE RETURN OF MICHAEL MYERS "The usually holiday fare"

The web site Four Word Film Review lets readers compose ultrabriefs, but nothing delivers the icy blast of the true Times snub: "Not reviewed by us."