IncredibleShrinkingCritic

I've decided to train for a half-marathon. Yesterday I put in 3 hours at the gym -- yeah, it's great to be unemployed! -- and today I set out for a 45-minute training run. But you need a goal when you run, and my goal was Costco.

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Fitness doesn't mean you can't multitask. I jogged in leisurely fashion to Costco, where what I really wanted was Post-it flags. They make my heart sing. This Costco didn't have Post-it flags, but they did have other extremely necessary items, like 10 pounds of herring. And everything there is sold in Family Pack size, which is so handy when you're jogging without a backpack or anything suitable in which to carry home a party tray of international cheeses.

I put my Costco card, key, and money in a plastic zip-lock baggie -- snack size -- which makes a good impression on everyone behind you on line when you drag it out from your sweat-drenched running shorts pocket. But I forgot my debit card -- Costco doesn't take Visa -- and I didn't have enough cash on me for anything so fabulous as herring.

There's nothing like being unemployed, fishing dollar bills out of a Baggie, and having to put back one item at a time: A tub of hummos with pine nuts. An already defrosting bag of frozen berries for smoothies. Whole-wheat pita pockets for, like, 100. I ended up with the cheese party pack and a bathmat tucked under one arm as I jogged home.

They say fitness is good for self-esteem, but I'll bet when they say that they're not taking into account the bathmat.