August 30, 1997
Weekend, 30 August 1997
What's Labor Day all about? Theme-itis hits The Hot Button!
GOING INTO LABOR
Oliver Stone's novel, A Child's Night Dream, will hit bookshelves soon. Stone says that the story, about someone named Oliver Stone, is not autobiographical. Let's hope not. He writes about he and mom being "entwined like snakes of desire..." And of dad? "I hate you, I've hated you from the day I was born!... I'd like to kill you." Come on, Ollie, light that fire!
LABOR PROBLEMS
WGA West presidential candidate Lynn Roth on unfairness to screenwriters: "They wind up writing a first draft, second draft, studio draft, network draft, director draft, actor draft," she said. "Same pay, too many drafts." As usual, the most important draft is forgotten. The good one.
WORKING STIFFS
Vivid Video had its first-ever critics screening recently, promoting it's latest opus, the XXX rated, Bad Wives. Vivid deleted all the sex scenes in order to emphasize the storylines, plots and dialogue. They also went mainstream with their lavish Hollywood after-party, featuring whore d'oeuvres, music by Axel Hose and 25 cent actress rides.
THAT JERRY LEWIS WEEKEND
The spirit of Jerry lives in Hollywood. Someone is actually going to produce a movie called Flying Tigers vs. Flying Saucers, about the WWII Flying Tigers' attempts to shoot down a Nazi-recovered alien spacecraft carrying Adolf Hitler. No word on whether Jerry will make this a sequel to his infamous The Day The Clown Cried, about a clown in a concentration camp. Hey Naaaaazzziiiii!
Posted by poland at 08:11 PM | Comments (0)
August 29, 1997
Friday, 29 August 1997
Dunkin' Donuts has hooked up with 20th Century Fox to cross-promote Home Alone 3's Thanksgiving release, finally explaining why the police never showed up in the first two films.
Bill Duke, director of Hoodlum, reports that he was forced to remove many uses of the word "nigger" from his film due to strong objections by audiences in research groups. Oddly, no one seemed very offended by slurs against Jews, Italians and the Irish. In the pursuit of fairness, The Hot Button offers Mr. Duke these politically correct slurs for each group. "Paleness Challenged," "Suffering From J.D.D. (Jesus Disbelief Disorder)," "Mafia Enabled" and "Potato Enriched."
Hoodlum star Laurence "Don't Call Me Larry" Fishburne recently offered Variety his take on the history of black film. He must have caught an early draft of this week's The Whole Picture.
The Drudge Report tells us that New Line will make Him, a movie about a female biologist who tracks down an alien microbe that possesses and kills males. Studio legal eagles must have shot down the more obvious title, The Anna Nicole Smith Story.
Posted by poland at 08:08 PM | Comments (0)
August 28, 1997
Thursday, 28 August 1997
Geena Davis filed for divorce Tuesday from Finnish director Renny Harlin. Her next relationship, uh, I mean, role, is not yet set.
Kim Basinger appeared in Albuquerque, NM, railing against flawed animal welfare laws. "These animals are kept in horrific conditions. They're dragged around cities, suffering in the name of entertainment," she said. The 50 reporters flown in for the event were fed miniature Snickers and coffee as they waited without bathroom access for two hours in a 10 foot square press pen, whose boundaries were enforced by four armed security guards, anticipating Ms. Basinger's two minute appearance ("No questions, please."). No injuries were reported.
Kathie Lee Gifford's son Cody appeared this week on her morning TV show, adorably engaging viewers with his distaste for Sabrina, unhappy that Harrison Ford portrayed "a kissy man." His dimples deepened coyly as he also stated a distaste for publications in which his father, Frank Gifford, portrayed "an unfaithful, over-the-hill oral-sexy man."
Christian Slater is set for Very Bad Things, a film about a bachelor party that gets out of hand when a guest kills a hooker. The film offers Slater a chance to share one of the important life lessons he's picked up in rehab: It just ain't a party `til someone kills a hooker.
For more of David Poland's work, check out Whole Picture.
Posted by poland at 08:08 PM | Comments (0)
August 27, 1997
Wednesday, 27 August 1997
Steven Seagal, musician, (are you laughing yet?) is doing a Fire Down Below blues music tour, inspired by his latest film. Unfortunately for stud boy Seagal, he hasn't seen anything "down below" since his "pregnancy" -- apparently, he's having triplets. Now if only Warner Bros. can get Brando's Apocalypse Now cinematographer to light him for the press junket.
"I Dream Of Jeannie" is coming to the big screen with either Lisa Kudrow or Cameron Diaz. Whose navel would you pay to watch for 2 hours? Hello. Hello! Get that sick grin off your face, you lowlife!
Jeff Katzenberg has used his $250 million unemployment claim (a.k.a. lawsuit) against Disney to get an early look at the first draft of Michael Eisner's as yet unpublished autobiography. Lucky guy. Page 782: "...after all that, I still graduated elementary school with honors, but more on that later."
Fargo star Steve Buscemi recently directed a series of commercial spots for Nike and the WNBA. Production was delayed when producers underestimated how much basketball player a wood chipper could chip if a wood chipper could chip basketball players. (Answer: seven minutes a foot)
Posted by poland at 08:05 PM | Comments (0)
August 26, 1997
August 26, 1997
From the Sometimes A Cigar Is Just A Cigar Dept. -- Jim Belushi, Peter Weller and David Caruso have committed to James Orr's Blowing Smoke, a cigar club Swingers for the over-40 set. If cigars are a symbol of career virility, maybe these three should be sucking on Virginia Slims.
Quentin Tarantino's heading for Broadway. I'm sure he'll kill them. literally. Maybe he'll end up doing the Pulp Fiction musical, Royale With Cheese. I can hear the first song now...
"Hitmen, heroin, sodomy/ Scenes not in order like they're s'posed to be/ Career resurrections everywhere you see/ Royale With Cheese. Royale With Cheese..."
Warren Beatty is being sued for $425,000 by screenwriter Aaron "A Few Good Men" Sorkin. Beatty kicked him off "Bulworth" because, Sorkin's suit claims, Beatty has "irrational, incomprehensible, and unwarranted personal animus and hostile feelings toward Sorkin." If you think he hates you now, try being a camera without any soft focus Vaseline on your lens, Aaron!
Buzz is that the location for the upcoming Superman's Metropolis will be none other than Pittsburgh, PA. I guess Tim Burton's vision has Supes as the Man Of Bankrupt Steel.
Posted by poland at 08:04 PM | Comments (0)
August 25, 1997
This is what's under our skin today in Hollywood.
Would 11.1 million dollars thrill or appall you? Depends whether you spent $100 million on G.I. Jane or $30 million on Money Talks.
Audiences will be pleased to know that Masterminds' $1 million start will cause almost as many moans at Sony HQ as the retro-1983 trailer did in theaters.
Air Force One's Gary Oldman and his wife had a baby boy last week. After being slapped, the infant wrapped the cord around the OB/GYN's throat and demanded three wetnurses and a change of diapers.
Twister 2: Cash Control is on the way. Maybe this time the script won't blow.
The "Headless Mickey" lawsuit against Disney by former Mouseketeer Billie Jean Matay was thrown out of court. Her lawsuit against her parents for shattering the illusion of Santa Claus, The Tooth Fairy and J. Edgar Hoover's heterosexuality is pending.
For more of David Poland, read The Whole Picture.
Posted by poland at 08:03 PM | Comments (0)
August 22, 1997
That's Entertainment
Robert Redford and GCC are starting a chain of theaters for independent film only called Sundance Cinemas. But what's going to happen to the real indie experience?
It's 2 A.M. You arrive at the abandoned hot tub factory. You and your date get out of the car, keeping an eye out for muggers and murderers. The smell of urine wafts through the air. A trail of blood and popcorn leads you to a massive sheet metal door. You knock. A skinny guy in a T-shirt opens the door and welcomes you to "Bob's Place" and asks for your credit card. You sign a blank slip. You've just rented a camera crane. There is no candy counter, just a craft service table full of M&Ms and two day old bagels. You go into "Theater One," but find a 13" TV and two folding chairs. "Uh, we don't have a print yet, just half inch video," says your host. You watch it. When your date stops crying, you leave.
Posted by poland at 08:00 PM | Comments (0)