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January 11, 2006

Carr Crashes National Board of Review Awards, Lives to Tell

As you have probably heard, the National Board of Review hosted its annual awards dinner last night at Central Park's Tavern on the Green. But while the event's rigorous security mechanism (in short: three hansom cabs, a publicity intern and Radioman) effectively thwarted my gatecrashing attempt, I lost no sleep over any of it.

Why? David Fucking Carr, that's why!

The National Board of Review did the awards watusi last night at Tavern on the Green in Central Park. As celebrity events go, it was a nice hang. Open bar for the duration, good food and the A-List was abundant and accessible, so much so that even a blind pig like the Bagger found a nut or two. Because the winners were already determined, it was like a modern day kindergarten, where everyone was a winner and the mean kids were forced to imitate human beings or go to a corner. No frozen smiles from the losers, just crowned victors clutching Lucite plaques. ...
Today the Bagger is going all NBR all the time, not because it will have a profound effect on the Oscar race but because he went so you didn’t have to.

I think this is what my great-grandmother meant when she used to say, "Everything happens for a reason." To wit: I got to split and go check out an advance of the brilliant, Nick Cave-scripted The Proposition, and the Carpetbagger packed knee-high rubber boots lest the bullshit ruin his tux:

We'd like to forget...
...Jane Fonda, the Career Achiever who wasn’t doing press as long as the reporter’s last name ended in The New York Times. And the PMK bodyguard who made sure it stayed that way.
...Stephen Gaghan, who won for best adapted screenplay, for trotting out the same jokes he has used in screenings, which include a tick-tock of the number of locations, languages, and continents he shot on. Writer, heal thyself with some new jokes.

More treasures from Carr's choice dispatch (including a way, way too mellow Weinstein sighting) lurk after the jump.

--On George Clooney: Actor, writer, director, producer, and at the NBR awards show, action figure. Earlier in the evening, Terrence Howard went up to the podium to accept his breakthrough actor award and tried to adjust a Good Night poster behind the podium that had been listing to port a bit. After Howard walked off, the crowd mock-gasped as the poster began to give way and swing out across the stage. Suddenly, some guy — he was handsome, he was obviously decisive, he was George Clooney — jumped up and simply ripped it down. Mr. Clooney, who once played Batman, is a man who knows how to take action when a poster threatens the peaceable people of Gotham City.
--Normally, the entrance of Harvey Weinstein to an awards event around this time of year is preceded by the music that plays in Jaws just before the shark chomps into somebody. But not this year – Harvey has a limited number of contenders and is too busy building a new company to add to the dynamism and expense of the awards season. With the pressure off, and the star of his Transamerica getting best actress from the NBR, Harvey was serene – no smoking, level blood sugar, filling the room with love. ... He offered an infomercial on behalf of the NBR – "It’s a fantastic night, in part because the Board of Review champions films that otherwise might not get noticed" – and said he did not miss being in the scrum – "I am very much enjoying my new role."
--(Kudos to) Philip Seymour Hoffman, for not going with a canned, careful speech even though he is auditioning as the prohibitive favorite for best actor Oscar. He talked about his mom, not in that starlet sort of way – newbie Q-Orianka Kilcher a k a Pocahontas choked up when she hit the mom button, but what is she, 16? – but in a very Seymour Hoffman kind of way; he suggested that mom, along with his girlfriend and his buddy Eric Bogosian, who introduced him, and a host of others, were the people he thought of when he tried to ready himself for a scene.
--(Terrence) Howard went moonbeam, in a nice way, when he got there. "This room is full of so many beautiful celestial beings who have been lifting up this world for decades with their work." The Bagger knew in his heart that he was not one of those people, but felt enrolled nonetheless. Mr. Howard had the Bagger at "celestial," but sealed the deal when he made it a point to say, "I have seen some people here I have worked with when I have been a monster and I wanted to say I was sorry about that." The Bagger would love it if all stars apologized for their past diva moments, but then, the awards would have lasted even longer than the three and a half hours they clocked in at.

Posted by stvanairsdale at January 11, 2006 05:22 PM

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