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January 17, 2006

Golden Gunk

I had skipped right past it, but reader Josh Horowitz was kind enough to transcribe the lyrics to the world's most embarrassing song for an awards show... EVER! (And I thought Dick Clark had sat this one out... then I thought maybe they had removed teh offending ditty from the west coast feed, hoping no one in L.A. would see it. No such smarts.)


I know it’s Globe time
I know it’s Globe time
Here’s how I know
Here’s how I know
I know we won’t see this many stars at any other show
Desperate Housewives…
These Desperate Housewives…
…are matched pearl to pearl
Here is Capote and Johnny Cash
And his name is Earl
Don’t ya think that Jaime looks hot tonight?
Don’t ya think that Reese has a shot tonight?
Don’t ya?
Don’t ya?
Don’t ya love that Russell can throw left hooks?
Don’t ya love the cowboy with his good looks?
Don’t ya?
Don’t ya?
Gwyneth the baby
She’s a baby
George could win three
He could win three
Hannibal Lecter is licking his lips to taste the Cecil B,
This guy’s a riot
He’s a riot
Funny worldwide
Funny worldwide
I hope that this cast that’s known as Lost can find their seats inside
Don’t ya dig the bling on the robes tonight?
Don’t ya want to come to the Globes tonight?
Don’t ya?
Don’t ya?!?

Posted by poland at January 17, 2006 09:07 AM

Comments

That was the most cringe-inducing opening five minutes of any program I've ever watched (and I remember the Snow White/Rob Lowe "Proud Mary" fiasco quite clearly).

Ratings were okay for the GG's, but holy crap, they were one dull show.

Posted by: hepwa [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 17, 2006 09:51 AM

What's worse than that song is getting the original song stuck in my head for the rest of my day. Thanks.

Posted by: brack [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 17, 2006 09:55 AM

I'm glad someone else was as annoyed/irritated/grossed out/made uncomfortable by this song as well. I was in awe that it was actually happening. And the GG's wonder why no one takes them seriously.

Posted by: PetalumaFilms [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 17, 2006 09:58 AM

If it was the Oscars, it would have been accompanied by a huge production number, so we should consider ourselves lucky.

Posted by: jeffmcm [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 17, 2006 10:19 AM

The worst part for me was enduring my wife's "I can't believe you suggested I watch this" look on her face halfway through the song. Next year I'll suggest she doesn't watch it...heck, I may join her!

Posted by: Eric N [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 17, 2006 10:30 AM

I usually watch the Globes, though mostly for the entertainment factor, not the validty of the honors...

but I skipped this year. I'm not really in love with any movie or TV show to get excited about winning. The only surprise for me was Rachel Weiscz win. Every other movie award was by the book.

Posted by: Hopscotch [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 17, 2006 10:44 AM

Rachel Weisz is such a class act.

And to think ten years ago in Chain Reaction I thought she was kinda ugly.

Posted by: Crow T Robot [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 17, 2006 10:50 AM

The song couldn't be any worse than when the Globes did a similar redo of Outkast's "Hey-Ya" a few years back. You guys remember that, dontcha?

Posted by: Wrecktum [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 17, 2006 11:28 AM

Yeah...... suddenly, I'm VERY glad I watched 24.

Posted by: Joe Straat [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 17, 2006 11:35 AM

yeah...that song was horrible.
If you can call it a song.
Yet the music that bothers me the most is
the grating "Golden Globes" muzak that plays
before and after commercials, and even some of
the incidental music used when winners walk to
the stage. It is like '70s-"Rockford Files"/"Love Boat"-kind-of music that makes me depressed.

Posted by: seattlemoviegoer [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 17, 2006 11:48 AM

It's always funny to see old people try and be "hip." At least the Oscars don't even try and pretend. The Globes are just flailing in the quicksand.

Posted by: eoguy [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 17, 2006 11:50 AM

That opening number was hor-rendous. Does anyone know who wrote it? If they give out anti-Emmys or Golden Razzies for TV, this song deserves it.

Posted by: Wayman_Wong [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 17, 2006 12:01 PM

Just checking cuz I missed it, but is this an adaptation of the Pussycat Dolls song?

Posted by: palmtree [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 17, 2006 12:28 PM

They should give the stars extra booze. Give people a reason to watch.

Posted by: PandaBear [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 17, 2006 01:20 PM

Old people shouldn't try to be "hip" and "young". It doesn't work. It's cringe worthy. Be yourself. Leave this crap for the MTV awards.

Posted by: joefitz84 [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 17, 2006 01:39 PM

Geez, you're right... "Chain Reaction" WAS ten years ago!

Posted by: Josh Massey [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 17, 2006 01:48 PM

I'm really glad I watched 24 now.

Posted by: Mark Ziegler [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 17, 2006 01:58 PM

Why didn't they have the Village People sing these songs???

Posted by: Josh [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 17, 2006 02:03 PM

This song was clearly a joke.

Right?

It never happend.

Right?

Posted by: Angelus21 [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 17, 2006 02:14 PM

I better say KIDDING before I get people in an uproar. Actually, I'm not. The Village People have some solid hits that still hold up 30 yrs later. Impressively.

Posted by: Josh [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 17, 2006 02:19 PM

The ratings were up from last year but that isn't saying much since they have gone down consistenly for a while. Tough to get people excited with no big Hollywood type movies or stars involved. The telecasts are just not entertaining enough past what the starlets are wearing.

Posted by: Richard Nash [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 17, 2006 03:30 PM

The show didn't have any excitement in it. Or drama for that matter.

I hope the Academy show is a little more entertaining on the whole.

Posted by: Fades To Black [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 17, 2006 05:09 PM

You mean this song didn't excite you?? Are you mad???

Posted by: joefitz84 [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 17, 2006 05:13 PM

Sorry joefitz84.

I can't say it was one of my better memories in life. I don't think I'm crazy but you never know.

Posted by: Fades To Black [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 17, 2006 05:15 PM

You must be crazy because this song will be a huge hit. It's going off the charts.

Posted by: joefitz84 [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 17, 2006 05:23 PM

There is no way someone wrote this song and put it together and then played it in front of others.

No way.

Posted by: Angelus21 [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 17, 2006 07:38 PM

Now even the lyrics are in my head.

Thanks a bunch!

Posted by: Sanchez [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 17, 2006 08:07 PM

Yes PalmTree it was indeed the Pussycat Dolls' song. It was sooo hilariously awful.

I still thought the Globes were a fun watch. At least the first hour and a half was when everyone seemed happy and excited and was giving entertaining speeches.

Posted by: KamikazeCamelV2.0 [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 17, 2006 08:19 PM

That first hour was when they were sober.

Posted by: PandaBear [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 17, 2006 08:47 PM

That suggests the show should have gotten _more_ entertaining, not less.

Posted by: jeffmcm [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 17, 2006 08:50 PM

In theory. But sometimes drunk people get just painful to watch and listen to.

Unlike some fun drunks. But they usually burn out quick.

Posted by: PandaBear [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 17, 2006 08:56 PM

Is there any significance to this line? Am just wondering?
Also ... was there any ... you know ... memorial time quick film clip of Shelley Winters ... like when she was young and beautiful?
Missed the whole thing.

Posted by: richnancy [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 17, 2006 10:54 PM

Hannibal Lecter is licking his lips to taste the Cecil B,

I forgot the line, there it is ... up above .. so catchy ... I was just wondering its relevance to these awards?

Posted by: richnancy [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 17, 2006 10:56 PM

You mean Golden Gunk? Just Poland being clever.
Winters died too recently. Look for her in the Parade of Dead People at the Oscars, though.

Posted by: jeffmcm [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 17, 2006 11:02 PM

no the Hannibal Lecter line. But I followed the link and found something to the effect that there was a montage of Anthony Hopkins work. Still ... in a song of such profound writing ... this line is perhaps too profound for me to understand. Since I wasn't there. Maybe it is something where you just had to hear it.

Posted by: richnancy [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 17, 2006 11:13 PM

Oh, I'm sorry, didn't get it. There was a montage of stars on the red carpet and of course they were on Hopkins when that line came up. The whole thing is nothing but horrible, set your mind at ease with that.

Posted by: jeffmcm [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 17, 2006 11:15 PM

Shelley Winters. May she Rest in Peace.

Posted by: Bruce [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 18, 2006 07:48 AM

That song sums up the repulsiveness of celebrity worship and of this fawning, embarrassingly tacky awards show.

Posted by: shortround [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 19, 2006 05:09 AM

and its all just getting started. finishes at the orgy that is the academy awards.

Posted by: bicycle bob [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 19, 2006 05:31 AM

I just watched Shelley Winters in Alfie last week. That's a real shame.

Posted by: Fades To Black [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 19, 2006 05:11 PM

Some people need to stop being cynacle bitter bores.

"the repulsiveness of celebrity worship and of this fawning, embarrassingly tacky awards show."

Go watch National Geographic. They have totally fun stuff about turtle doves on there.

Posted by: KamikazeCamelV2.0 [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 19, 2006 11:31 PM

That's half the business. Thet tackiness and the over indulgence. A harmless extra to the industry.

Posted by: Bruce [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 20, 2006 06:23 AM

I thought the 'harmless' quality you speak of where why everyone hates Hollywood.

Posted by: jeffmcm [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 20, 2006 02:37 PM

I guess I yearn for something with a little more class, not Mariah Carey, Will and Grace and nip/tuck nightmares like Kathy Griffin. But maybe I'm just too, um, cynacle.

Posted by: shortround [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 21, 2006 09:06 AM

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