The Hot Blog

Thanks, DP. It will be very exciting to come here and read through all the comments, knowing that this guy isn't polluting them anymore.

I feel really bad for Dave Poland that he had to type "Yodas Hanging Nut Sac" under these or any circumstances (not joking).

Maybe it's a bunch of college students coming from the same university network. Have you looked up the IP address to see what the source is, David?

Blackcloud, it's awfully nice for you to give the guy the benefit of the doubt. But if you are familiar with the posting habits of those aliases at all, college is the last thing you'd associate with them.

Unless they're going to a particularly crappy college, students typically don't make identical spelling errors, over and over again.

I don't even know how to effectively look up the IP address.

I am wide open to any explanation of this situation by the names mentioned... without any personal disclosure, handled privately.

I wasn't giving him the benefit of the doubt, I was just speculating. I am curious, though, about what the source IP is. It's not hard to find, just use the WHOIS look up at Dnsstuff.com. I'm sure David's already done that. I'm also curious to know if David can tell what IP we post from, or only the IP logged when the user name is created. I wonder about that since I've posted from different networks, and hence different IPs.

What came up on WhoIS was Optimum Online (Cablevision Systems). Of course, that could still be a large organization.

"Unless they're going to a particularly crappy college, students typically don't make identical spelling errors, over and over again."

Jeff, you obviously haven't graded any undergraduate papers lately.

Using the site you mentioned, it says, "Location: United States [City: Hicksville, New York]"

I was thinking of my favorite 'tell' of the mystery poster, the spelling of 'genius' as 'genuis'. Not a common mistake.

Could be a bunch of Optimum Online subscribers. Most service providers have a specific range of addresses for their subscribers. But since it's the same address, it's probably the same subscriber. Somewhere in the greater NYC area, I reckon.

"Hicksville." That is too perfect.

Which is where s/he is, then, since WHOIS is very specific with that info. Scary specific.

Yeah, spelling it "genuis" consistently is not the usual spelling error. Thanks for the clarification, Jeff.

Population 41,260.

I could give you several examples of 'genuis' from 8 of those names listed up there...and nobody else on the blog.

Wow, I've heard of people using multiple user names on a forum, but 15 is a LOT. How lame.

Hey James Leer, I thought you had a list that got up to twenty not so long ago...?

I felt like there were more variations on the Yoda pelvic theme used.

It's 80% white. And it has an even higher percentage of high school graduates. But only 25% have at least a bachelor's degree.

http://www.city-data.com/city/Hicksville-New-York.html

huh.

well 15 is disturbing...I mean who has the time, and why bother?

one love. one poster.

If the multiple personalities begin hassling or name-calling again, the IP could be blocked.

The most mind-boggling aspect about this for me is that there have been plenty of times where two of these names would take contrary positions. Now that's dedication.

It was almost twenty. I think there's one or two aliases DP didn't get to, like BluStealer...but the IP ban should make that moot.

Hicksville? I guess that proves it's not Jeff Wells.

A poster with 15 identities attempting to argue with a movie critic? Shit this sounds like a brilliant Steve Martin comedy -- someone write it.

Why does this not surprise me?

High five James Leer!

Folks - One of the names has sent an e-mail and says that there is a group of people who are all playing on the blog in the same company.

My suggestion is that we try some self-policing for now. Be a little gentle, okay?

A group of people who all share the same political views, bullying attitude, and identical spelling errors?
Come on.

Apologies in advance for being obsessive, but there is now way 8 people all work for the same company, post on the same blog, and misspell the same word in the same way when nobody else on the entire blog ever has:

Now "Rushmore" would have been the inspired choice in '98. But the bigger shaft that year was Bill Murray. Genuis work by one of our great artists.
Posted by: Bruce at March 9, 2006 08:26 AM

Ebert looks like a genuis today.
Posted by: Fades To Black at March 6, 2006 04:32 PM

You see they cast Travolta in Hairspray in the Edna Turnblad role?
Genuis casting for them. Fans of the musical and the Waters movie have to be concerned about one thing. Directed by the genuis behind The Pacifier and Bringing Down the House.
Posted by: joefitz84 at March 4, 2006 01:29 PM

The best PRODUCERS was on CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM.
Total genuis.
Posted by: Yodas Left Nut Sac at February 23, 2006 12:06 PM

There is no dispute on Bay on how he works a camera. He may be a genuis with it. He can shoot as well as anyone. He just has difficulties telling a story. It doesn't come natural for him. He'd rather blow up a building.
It looks cooler, thats for sure.
Posted by: Richard Nash at February 15, 2006 03:57 PM

How they keep screwing up Richard Price novels I'll never know. The man is a genuis. The movie adaptations of his work has been terrible on the whole. Freedomland doesn't look good to change that.
Posted by: Bruce at February 14, 2006 06:07 PM

Price also wrote the script to "Shaft". I wouldn't be throwing the "genuis" label around that quickly. Also, "Kiss of Death". I think he needs a few more great novels before genuis can be applied here.
Posted by: joefitz84 at February 14, 2006 07:38 PM

Crichton is a genuis. One of the smartest men out there. Brown has nothing on Crichton. Nothing.
Posted by: Sanchez at January 10, 2006 05:49 PM

Real Genuis is a classic movie. One of the all time greats. The bigger question.
Where are Kent and Mitch?
Posted by: Josh at January 2, 2006 08:04 PM

Val Kilmer was at his dreamiest in 'Real Genuis' and he is as dreamy as they get. Kinda made nerds seem hot and cool.
Posted by: BluStealer at January 3, 2006 08:24 AM

I am shocked--shocked!--by Dave's revelation. They're all the same person? Who'da thunk it?

And who could have foreseen that the levies would be breached?

Hicksville? No joke? For real?

Dave, thank you. Also thank you, thank you, and thank you. I don't know what finally got you to take the problem seriously, but better late than never. This blog will be the better for it.

Jeff, I apologize if my last comments came across as harsh or negative. We had different ideas regarding how best to deal with this situation, but all's well that ends well. And maybe my idea, which involved fertilizer, detonator caps, two tons of cream of mushroom soup and Michael Bolton, would have been over the top. Good job keeping cool and holding down the fort.

James Leer, thanks for your part in finally getting the problem noticed. You most emphatically do not suck.

Kockum, wherever you are, pour yourself a tall one.

As Slim Pickens said at the end of Dr. Strangelove: "Yeeeeee-haw!" Or to quote John Mclane in Die Hard...well, I'm sure we all know the line.

long pause

Shit, what are we gonna talk about now? Movies?

Frankbooth...a counteroffensive is underway...it ain't over yet.

Who the heck is "working" at their company on a friday night to even know whether or not they've been banned? If you think about the times when people are normally employed (EG: not on the weekends) it's pretty unusual internet activity.

I hope Dave is smart enough to put two and two together...we've proved time and time again that these names are the same person. Jeffmcm's "genuis" post is only the most recent example...we also have the Fades to Black "new World" debacle, the Sanchez "Puerto Rico and Mexico are the same place" thing, etc....trust us, DP, these are the same citizen of Hicksville. He can't even bother to diguise himself...every post is exactly the same! I doubt he could write a complete sentence if he tried.

Well one thing has been proved - he has a low standard for genius.

Part of me is glad that Sanchez isn't a real person. Someone that stupid with that limited a knowledge of film history just couldn't exist in this place.

Maybe I should have realized he was a fake when he made the remark about not being able to sit through Citizen Kane and other black and white films.

You'd think one of those aliases would try to mount some feeble defense at this point; Mr. Anonymous would pick the "strongest" handle and cry victim.

I was going to say that there may be one IP for a company or college and the blog is being viewed by multiple people there...but it still seems that they created fake (unused) Email addresses to log in if they're not responding to Emails. But jeffmcm is right... if that is a college, they should teach them all how to spell "genius" :)

if i was the manager of the "company" i'd want to know why 1 (or more) of my employees who claim to be great lovers of hardworking America were fucking around on a blog on my dime day and night. "You're fired" comes to mind.

Also I remember "Joefitz" claiming to be at this or that premier party and hanging at the Trop etc. so if it is an illustrious prodco located in Hicksville NY (there are SO MANY there. it is THE zip code to have) how does he have time to get to LA and be an arsehead on a blog at the same time? Somehow I don't think he's "on the list". Neither is Bruce. and Blustealer is not FEmale (but Shemale can't be ruled out) and Lester Freed is not black. Anyone who says "as a black man..." as a preface to nearly every convo aint got the pigmentation.

Frankbooth stay off the oxygen son. mushroom soup and Michael Bolton in the same train of thought has spoilt my breakfast and perhaps my eating and sleeping habits for awhile. ewwwww!

movie fun:
DIsney stores have been preselling Narnia DVD for 19.95 with free film poster. good present for the kiddies in your life. I also bought the candy-filled Aladdin's sword. for me. Now that's some toy.

Last thing forever on this subject. I know you don;t have time to babysit Dave, who does? but there is an important issue here re. management:

I do think it is a serious infraction to pretend to be a person of another gender or cultural backgroud/race as a means of abusing other people. Offensive, and nothing else. what was next from this guy--a Jew insisting the holocaust didn't happen? A Asian/middleeasterner who calls other Asians coolies or towelheads?

Sanchez, Blustealer, Lester Freed and Rufus Masters. Think about past comments made--I don;t remember ANY movie comments but their frat-boy sexist and thinly veiled and not so thinly veiled racist comments stand out.

as a person of mixed parentage (and a genuis), I take issue with people pretending to be other races and acting like assholes as a means of undermining perception of that culture. There are many interesting people who don;t come here anymore and it was this person/people who tortured them away.

Chuck D on the Public Enemy site had to have a couple networks ban IPs (you contact the network and they ban it, unless you can ban IPs with your network set up) becasue of white guys pretending to be African/hispanic etc as a means of airing their own racist views.

the problem with letting it go on any further means they will aquire more identities--this is how Blustealer, Rufus masters and Lester Freed came about.

This would be really funny even if this guy wasn't one of the internet's biggest assholes.

Great posts James, jeff and lota. I can't believe this hasn't been taken care of by now. Please take action Dave. It's long overdue.

"as a person of mixed parentage (and a genuis)"

That makes you sui genuis, right Lota?

This incident reminded me of "The Crowded Room" which I had to look up on the imdb to see whatever happened to it. Now starring ? as Billy Milligan and directed by Joel Schumacher for 2006. Somehow I doubt that will happen.

David...

The "bicyclebob" nick is the giveaway. Congratulations. You inherited the Scorched Planet trolls... or at least, one very busy one.

Seriously. No benefit of the doubt required. You got vermin.

Moving on--looks like "Failure to Launch" is outperforming expectations, and "Hills Have Eyes" dramatically underperforming. The former is headed for a 25M open, while the latter will wind up around 15M, with "Shaggy Dog" looking to do around 15M as well. How many of us had this weekend all wrong? (I sure did.)

Same here. I had Hills, Shaggy and then Failure. I guess you can't underestimate McConaughey's appeal in a rom com. Plus, Family Stone did well not too long ago and SJP appears to have some decent drawing power. They made a good box office team.

They get the last laugh too, as many mocked how appropriate the title would turn out to be.

She's a good actress and all but how the hell is someone as homely as Sarah Jessica Parker getting all these romantic comedy roles? I'm sorry but the woman looks like a drag queen!

This fact has even sent Leonard Maltin into therapy...

(it's the second item from the bottom)

"She's a good actress and all but how the hell is someone as homely as Sarah Jessica Parker getting all these romantic comedy roles? I'm sorry but the woman looks like a drag queen!"

Or as Pardon the Interruption host/WaPo columnist/future Monday Night Football analyst Tony Kornheiser describes her: "potty-mouthed horse face".

What happened to Hills Have Eyes? I thought the marketing seemed to be as effective as every other horror movie that's opened to 30+ lately... it makes no sense for a stinkburger like When a Stranger Calls to make more money (granted, I haven't seen Hills, yet).

"Part of me is glad that Sanchez isn't a real person. Someone that stupid with that limited a knowledge of film history just couldn't exist in this place.

Maybe I should have realized he was a fake when he made the remark about not being able to sit through Citizen Kane and other black and white films."

Sorry to bum you out, but what makes you think he was kidding about that? I strongly suspect that our unbalanced pal was expressing his honest sentiments. Look how touchy he got when he was ridiculed for it.

And that attitude is part of what dragged the level of discourse down. How can you have a serious discussion with someone whose knowledge only extends as far back as Goonies, and who thinks Caddyshack is better than some Like it Hot and The Gold Rush?

His bad taste (and straight from the horse's ass political views) are the ONLY things he was honest about.

About Hills Have Eyes: are people finally getting sick of these slicked-up horror remakes? The Fog bombed, but judging from rottentomatoes it was beyond bad. Chainsaw did well, though.

Could it be name recognition, that the kids have never heard of the old Hills? Because without that knowledge, the new one just looks like a rehash of Chainsaw/Wrong Turn.

If one were so inclined, they could come up with a very interesting psychological profile based on which personality facet was given to each different identity by our mystery poster.

The Fog was indeed horrible in the way that is the true kiss of death for horror movies: it was BORING. Hills looks like a rehash, but it looks like an effective rehash...these kids today, I don't get them.

I thought the Hills remake was pretty good. Better than the likes of Saw II, Hostel, Devil's Rejects, etc. Not that it takes much. Aja is a good director. Much better than the majority of his peers in the genre.

What did you think of High Tension? It seemed to be a film that, if it had had a good script, could have been a real winner; instead it had an awful script, which left most of Aja's accomplishments as director struggling for survival.

I liked High Tension. But yeah, it has a weak script. So does the Hill's remake. There's some awful dialogue. For the most part, I think Aja's skills behind the camera make up for it.

Matlin doesn't mention Parker by name; he says it's a certain actress. You're just assuming it's her.

Parker isn't a beauty in the classical sense, but her face has a lot of character and intelligence, and her body is beyond sensational. I would happily sell myself into Iraqi slavery for a night with her.

Blackcloud (are you related to Darkness...Mr Charlie Murphy? he is my favorite on Dave Chappelle)...

I'll have you know not only am I a genuis, I have a really hi QI and as a result I also am in that Special Group of people known as Densa. thank you for noticing.

ugggggh. matthew Mc-I-Can't-Say is one of the ickiest dudes in movies--i vastly underrate him since his affected manner of speaking drives me insane. why do older women like him? He wears lipstick I swear. I can see why men like Sarah Jessica (I think she's the draw--i mean look at Sahara)...she's fit and has a personality but MMc?!...maybe he has mad skillz or he's Willing to do bad things.

They have slaves in Iraq?

I've noticed that everyone keeps referring to Aja as if he were the sole director, but I recall from the doc on the High Tension disc that he's half of a team. Did he split with the other guy, or does he take the director's credit as a formality the way Joel Coen does, even though they actually co-direct? I don't care enough to look it up. Anyone out there know?

High Tension had some effective moments, but I think part of its appeal was that it was the first of the new wave of "back to basics" hard-R slasher flicks, which gave it novelty amongst all the PG13 horror films. Hardly anyone had made a straight stalk-and-slash film since well before Scream, and genre fans were grateful.

But taken on its own merits, of course it's flawed by the silly (and flat-out-impossible) twist, but imagine the film without it. It would still basically be a nicely-photographed Friday the 13th with an anonymous villain and physically improbable death scenes like beheading by furniture--the sort of thing a 15-year-old would find really cool. I guess what I'm saying is, what's the point of remaking Eighties slashers with bigger budgets and better effects?

I also can't get past the fact that on the commentary, the filmmakers refer to the sicko, ultra-misogynistic Maniac as if it were Persona or Chinatown. Of course, they are French, so their aesthetic assesments must be taken accordingly.

I'm more curious to rewatch the original Hills than to see the new one. My recollection of it is very vague, but I seem to remember that, like most Craven films, it was better in idea than execution. He did have great titles, though. Last House On The Left, The Hills Have Eyes, A Nightmare on Elm Street...we'll just forget about Deadly Friend, if we haven't already.

For anyone who wants to be disturbed in a less retrograde manner, I recommend the films of Kiyoshi Kurasawa. Long after High Tension has faded from memory, I'll remember Cure. Some would argue that I'm comparing apples and oranges, and it would be a legitimate point, but seeing the same old formulas dusted off just doesn't do it for me these days.

Kiyoshi Kurosawa is really good. Kairo (Pulse) left me with nightmares but I suppose Cure is his modern masterpiece.

if only modern horror showed less and scared more.

"Parker isn't a beauty in the classical sense, but her face has a lot of character and intelligence, and her body is beyond sensational."

Cadavra, they said the same thing about Robert Davi in The Goonies, man. And personally I don't think Parker is half the acting genuis he was. :)

Crow, now you've got me picturing Robert Davi in a bikini top and sarong.

Again.

I agree re: Kurosawa. I actually think Pulse is his masterpiece. He really shows what's wrong with modern American horror, with the insistence on making everything teen-friendly...as will be seen whenever the Weinsteins release their sure-to-be-horrible Americanized Pulse remake.

Although I finally saw Final Destination 3 a few days ago and really enjoyed it. Thanks for the thumbs-up, Armond White!

I'm a big fan of Kurosawa's horror flicks, but I also like Aja's movies. I hope that's allowed.

stella. what a typical lib thing to say. ur weak which is why ur side will. always lose elections. as a female black mexican i feel entitled. to say that.

As soon as I saw the name frankbooth, I immediately pictured a female black mexican.

Stella's girl
evrybody knows that frankbooth is a crossdressing, oxygen mask-wearing Puerto rican guy from Brooklyn with high-heeled red shoes and a voice like Rosie Perez'.

Finally saw Matador Stella. Ahhhhh! I love Pierce Brosnan in that. He aint my kinda macho Bond (Sean's the man) but he was great in Matador. He should do more of that. He was really funny and slick.

didn;t like High Tension tho.

just saw HILLS HAVE EYES. Fucking awesome. Intense and stylish as all get out. Blows away HOSTEL, which I thought was weak except for the tits. Aja impressed me with this one though...that's one of the hardest "R's" in a while. Mighty entertaining.

Female black Mexican? Are you sure you're not a lesbian paraplegic too?

On the original topic, all I'll say is - I'm SO glad some of those people are fake and are going to disappear now because I HATED them. Two inparticular I just could not stand. So, YAY for that.

On "High Tension" - i thought it was a fairly blah movie filled with dumb plotholes and over-the-top gore, and then the ending happened and I realised it was a twist in search of a movie. Doesn't help that the twist was a bunch of crap. It effectively erased all prior plotholes and created a whole bunch of new ones! Man, that blew.

The original Hills Have Eyes is remarkable in the amount of gore it has. And by that a mean, it doesn't have much. That's why I was iffy on Aja directing it, cause I didn't want him to just inject a tonne of blood and guts into it. But then I read that it originally got rated NC17 purely for "intensity" (well, + some gore) which made it hard to edit down to an R - which goes to what cullen said about it being a hard R. I still wanna see it, it looks pretty good.

On the matter of "Failure to Launch" people probably forgot that a lot of women think Matt McConicantspellhisname is REALLY hot. He was what made How To Lose A Guy a hit, not Kate Hudson. Did "Raising Helen" become a hit? No. It was clearly Matt. And I'd bet that Sarah Jessica is much more popular than Kate Hudson as well. Sex & the City! Plus, Family Stone did make some nice cash (even though they could've made more if they released it at Thanksgiving).

I still love her most of all from "Flight of the Navigator"! That's my all-time favourite kids movie. I loved that movie so much. I watched it every day for a month!

"I've noticed that everyone keeps referring to Aja as if he were the sole director, but I recall from the doc on the High Tension disc that he's half of a team. Did he split with the other guy, or does he take the director's credit as a formality the way Joel Coen does, even though they actually co-direct? I don't care enough to look it up. Anyone out there know?"

According to IMDb, Aja directed the two films alone, but wrote them with Grégory Levasseur. Maybe the DVD meant "team" as in "writing team." I can't find anything online that says Levasseur is a director, although he did serve as art director on High Tension. Maybe I'm not looking hard enough...

...and what kind of lifeless motherfucker must someone be to make 15+ aliases on a message board? Good Christ buddy, get some sun.

"evrybody knows that frankbooth is a crossdressing, oxygen mask-wearing Puerto rican guy from Brooklyn with high-heeled red shoes and a voice like Rosie Perez'."

So YOU'RE the one who's been watching me through the computer screen. Cut it out.

As for Aja and Levasseur, if you watch the making-of feature on the HT disc, they really come across as a unit, which is why I asked. Despite its flaws, that film did have some effective grueling scenes. A really good horror film should make you feel as if anything can happen and no one is safe, and if Hills accomplishes that, I may have to see it. Just so it doesn't turn out the entire thing is the daydream of a kid in civics class in New Mexico in the fifties.

One thing I could never figure out about the American release of HT--I watched a few minutes of the dubbed version, and they chose to give the blonde a French accent and make the family American, as if the film took place here and she were an exchange student. But it's obvious from the cars and signs that the film isn't set in the U.S., so why not go the other way? That never made sense to me. In the end, the entire movie makes no sense (just who was driving the other vehicle?) but I could never figure out the logic behind that particular choice. It was almost as dumb as dubbing Mad Max.

And Camel? "Two in particular I just could not stand." That's a joke, right?

Just out of "The Hills Have Eyes"...

Pros:

- The scene with a terrified Ted Levine waving a revolver inside a cramped house (the exact same way Jodie Foster went after HIM in "Silence" 15 years back) was priceless.
- Aaron Stanford is unrecognizable. I was shocked when I saw it was him on IMDB.
- The character I put green money on to be the first one chopped up actually makes it to the end. Touche movie!
- This film is HIDEOUS with a capital H. To put it to you in Las Vegas terms... this is the Bally's All You Can Eat Buffet of gore. Soft drinks are not included.
- Director Aja anticipates the traditional big moments in movies like this ("the boo moments") and intentionally plays against them.
- The villains get their just desserts in the end and boy does it feel great. Freud was right: We all have a little dissaffected desert dwelling mutated cannibal in all of us.
- I normally hate the use of pet dogs in movies like this. But this pooch... this pooch deserves a fucking medal. It doesn't even have to be the purple heart.

Cons:

- The filmmakers decide to put all the dramatic urgency into an infant and even by horror standards, that's pretty lowdown stuff. Our inherit love of babies should be off limits to this kind of trash.
- The opening credits sequence is kind of lifted from The Real Deal in horror remakes: Zack Snyder's Dawn Of The Dead. And by "kind of lifted" I mean "complete fucking ripped from."
- The movie expects its audience to recover from a rape scene, followed directly by someone being burned alive, followed by a likable character getting their head blown off in cold blood (all in the course of about 3 minutes). It occured to me that all character development up until this point was designed only to make me disgusted by this scene. Nice try guys, but you're still a bunch of pornographers.
- I think more than Nispel's film, this comes off as the true remake of Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It's relentless and ugly and satanic. Though, as effective as it is, the sense of art and style that so defined Hooper's film really doesn't register here. It has scares but isn't very scary.
- The problem lies in the villains: The idea of radioactive cannibals is a little silly in a movie that strives for a realistic sense of horror. Plus all great movie monsters (from Frankenstein to The Alien) have a poetic nature about them; while the heavies here are completely artless -- projecting none of the timeless, subconcious dread that defines the best of their ilk. They spend two hours chopping people to bits but ironically never get under the skin.

And maybe that's why the film doesn't either.

A couple of pieces of additional information re: THHE (spoilers)

The story and characters are about 90% identical to the original movie, so much credit or blame for these aspects of the original movie: brutality, shocks, killing of likeable characters, must go to Wes Craven.

One major change is downgrading the mutants to a band of raving psychos from a 'family' of desperate, raving psychos. I agree, it makes them less interesting, and less thematically resonant.

Also, if you think the baby is treated badly in this movie, it appears to be in very real danger in the original movie, something Craven is a little uncomfortable about in his commentary track.

Nice review, Crow!

Maybe I've just seen too many movies, but these days I often find reading reviews more interesting than actually watching the films. You can usually piece together a pretty accurate picture based on the trailers, the general critical consensus,and knowledge of the filmmaker's previous work, and I think I have a pretty good idea now of what this movie is about.

Jeff's right about the threatened baby and other unsavory elements coming straight from the source. Craven is, after all, the man who made Last House on the Left, a film so unpleasant that I never want to see it again. There's a certain line, and that movie--with its prolonged degradation, rape, torture and murder, crosses it for me--and I like some pretty bleak stuff.

I really need to see the original Hills again, because it just may be the highlight of Wes's career, falling somewhere between the utter vileness of LHOTL and the more slick, commercial TV style that makes his later films hard to take seriously.

The first Elm Street is the best one of the series, of course, and probably his best film after Hills. But the bad acting, After School Special flavor of the dialogue and--especially--that ending with the Loony Tunes booby-traps, are enough to undermine the effective dream sequences and keep it from being a true classic for me.

Maybe it's time for an Elm Street remake, but with a complete overhaul of Freddy's appearance and persona. Cut the wisecracks, lose the goofy sweater and hat and make him look like a real burn victim instead of a guy with putty on his face, find a director with a flair for the surreal and make it SCARY. Plus, this is one rare remake that could greatly benefit from modern effects technology, if the right imagination were guiding it.

Frankbooth, you think like a New Line exec, because they're currently soliciting writers for a "sophisticated" remake of Elm Street. They want to take it into more of a J-horror realm.

is Frankbooth thinking like a New Line exec?...heh heh. faint praise indeed, in the post Deluca desert, but I suppose their slate has been improving a little in the last year.

I rather have original new stories coming out on screen but if we must have remakes, it would be nice if they didn;t look like a college abstract art project.

i like just about zero of the horror remakes in he last 5 years from any studio. if a movie must be remade, it would be nice if they picked a movie that wasn't so hot as the final product but really had something that made the original compelling...like remaking Don't be afraid of the Dark, a truly scary movie to young people (but had a little excess cheese in spots)--it could stand a remake. It is in the works, but I have low hopes with the tendency to take atmospheric 70s movies that are frightening and either make them "action" movies (what most mosdern horror movies seem to actually be) or worse, comedy (like the atrocious Stepford Wives). Dr Cook's garden would be another understated creepfest ripe for a remake. Get Wayne Brady to take the Bing Crosby role.

Somebody remake Green Mansions. Seeing Anthony Perkins singing a ballad to "jungle girl" Audrey hepburn was almost enough to send me over the edge.

College abstract art project? What are you referring to there?

jeff must I dot your eyes and cross your tees?

college abstract art projects (i've seen thousands):

lots of paint of one color (for horror flicks make that RED)

no story to hold it together, just some fake-ass twist that doesn't make sense (i.e. called Philosophy in the art world)

names associated with project like "Alex" or "Aissa" or A-something...i.e. TRENDY names

I do have abstract art in my home. I don;t hate abstract art (just art students...and not all the time, just when they talk about art).

Hills remake did use original char names, in its favor.

Excuse me but I had a hard time connecting drab, boring, by-the-numbers horror movies like When a Stranger Calls or the Saw series etc. with Marc Rothko or Jackson Pollock. If anything, I wish horror movies looked _more_ like abstract art (not necessarily the college kind). An infusion of style would be nice.

Oh, speaking of no story; I consider the Japanese Ju-On series to be a good example of avant-garde horror, because the narrative is so fragmented and, as the movies go along, essentially superfluous. Which I must say, I like a lot, at least when done by filmmakers who know what they're doing and aren't just lazy or too dumb to know when they're repeating a cliche.

yes. which is why I said college abstract art projects and didn't say abstract art. an important distinction.

i prefer Paul Klee in his post-Tunisian light filled "degenerate" life to Rothco or Pollock though I do not dispute their talents.

"Blackcloud (are you related to Darkness...Mr Charlie Murphy? he is my favorite on Dave Chappelle)..."

I bring darkness sometimes, but we're not related.

Frank, I disliked most of them, but there were two who were just awful people who I never once liked.

"- The character I put green money on to be the first one chopped up actually makes it to the end. Touche movie!"

THE DOG?! I haven't seen the remake, but I'm guessing you're talking about the dog.

On the matter of Wes Craven and horror.

1. Scream 2
2. Scream
3. New Nightare
4. A Nightmare Before Christmas
5. Red Eye
6. The Hills Have Eyes
7. The Last House on the Left

and, er, Cursed. Up until 7 I REALLY like all those movies. "Last House..." had it's moments and I see what he was going for but at times I just didn't like it as a movie, but damn that's some tension building!

And Craven already made a sophisticated Nightmare movie in the form of New Nightmare. And it was brilliant.

#4?

A Very Freddy Christmas?

This might be the next big thing for some enterprising New Line exec.

New Nightmare is really underrated. And it was self-referential before that became a trendy thing to do.

The best thing about New Nightmare is that it's not self-referential in an 'I saw that old movie and I'm laughing at that reference' kind of way, it's self-referential in a 'holy shit that's weird and creepy' way.

I thought Red Eye was perhaps one of the best things he ever did. I hope Cillian Murphy is the biggest thing out of Ireland for awhile (and not Jonathan Rhys M who I think is overrated).

Cillian and I got married last week. It was beautiful.

"Frank, I disliked most of them, but there were two who were just awful people who I never once liked."

So you weren't joking.

It was one guy, Camel. ONE GUY. Maybe you liked a couple of his identities less than the others, but don't play into his delusion.

(Anyway, that's enough. He probably checks back to see if we're still talking about him.)

New Nightmare was an interesting idea: an attempt to rehabilitate a character that had become a joke. I thought that the first half worked, but then Freddy did his same old tricks and it became predictable and silly all over again. The set-pieces were just rehashes of earlier ones, when what it needed was some real imagination.

I don't mind the idea of an Elm Street remake because none of the earlier films was fully satisfying to me. Still, it's hard to imagine starting clean so soon on the heels of Freddy vs. Jason.

Who says I'm not a New Line exec?

Just wanted to drop by and say - good work, people! Came back to see whether Poland had written anything interesting over the week, and lo and behold, great news. The little shit is gone! Is it just me or does the air feel cleaner?

Don't know what convinced Poland to the right course of action, but whatever it was, God bless. I gave up hope when he didn't even read the many reasons we'd put up on his own blog.

Look forward to reading future debates on the blog. Hope you all have a good day.

Especially you Poland, ya big lug of love.

"Cillian and I got married last week. It was beautiful."

awwww. congrats Camel. You can have him--he's a little too pretty for me. He probably doesn't know how to fix stuff either and that would just annoy me!

frankbooth sounds like the name of someone New Line should hire. they need some sick and dangerous people.

Frank, i know they're all one person, but there were two of the identities that I truly hated more than others. Like, how someone may hate two characters from The Nutty Professor even though all eight are played by Eddie Murphy.

...wow, that bad analogy actually sorta vaguely almost worked.

Don't be so coy, you tease. Enquiring minds want to know.

Thanks for signing in, . Now you can comment. (sign out)