The Hot Blog

Ha that's great. I can say, without any sarcasm, that I have never heard of Sarah Wynter or Marley Shelton. As for the rest (save Penelope), yikes.

Sarah Wynter was on Season 2 of 24.

Selma is pretty damn awesome. While Paul Walker may have had a hand in turning Eight Below into something. So it's not a curse as much as it's just another instance where those pictures can bite a mag on the ass in hindsight.

Wasn't Shelton in Grindhouse?

Wanna know who Vanity Fair considers the crème de la crème of modern starfuckery? Observe:

Three Covers. The ladies that make Graydon Carter shift side to side:
Scarlett Johansson (2004, 2005, *2006)
Gwyneth Paltrow (1995, *2001, *2004)
Cate Blanchett (1998, 2001, *2005)
Kate Winslet (*1997, 2001, *2005)

Two Covers. So nice we shot them twice! These faces sell mags:
Claire Danes (*1997, 2005)
Rosario Dawson (2002, 2005)
Uma Thurman (*1995, *2005)
Jennifer Connelly (*2002, *2004)
Kirsten Dunst (*2002, 2004)
Julianne Moore (1995, *2004)
Naomi Watts (2002, 2004)
Selma Blair (2000, 2002)
Penélope Cruz (*2000, 2001)
Nicole Kidman (*1995, *2001)

One Cover. Has beens, never weres, and flash in the pans. Or perhaps the stars of tomorrow??
Amy Adams (*2008)
Elizabeth Banks (2008)
Jessica Biel (*2008)
Emily Blunt (*2008)
Alice Braga (2008)
America Ferrera (2008)
Ginnifer Goodwin (2008)
Anne Hathaway (*2008)
Ellen Page (2008)
Zoë Saldana (2008)
Keira Knightley (*2006)
Kate Bosworth (2005)
Sienna Miller (2005)
Kerry Washington (2005)
Ziyi Zhang (2005)
Jennifer Aniston (2004)
Maggie Gyllenhaal (2004)
Salma Hayek (2004)
Diane Lane (2004)
Lucy Liu (2004)
Alison Lohman (2004)
Hilary Swank (2004)
Christina Applegate (2002)
Kate Beckinsale (*2002)
Brittany Murphy (2002)
Rachel Weisz (2002)
Catherine Deneuve (*2001)
Sophia Loren (2001)
Vanessa Redgrave (2001)
Chloë Sevigny (2001)
Meryl Streep (*2001)
Jordana Brewster (2000)
Marley Shelton (2000)
Mena Suvari (*2000)
Sarah Wynter (2000)
Anna Friel (1999)
Kate Hudson (1999)
Thandie Newton (*1999)
Sarah Polley (1999)
Monica Potter (*1999)
Vinessa Shaw (1999)
Leelee Sobieski (1999)
Julia Stiles (1999)
Reese Witherspoon (*1999)
Claire Forlani (1998)
Gretchen Mol (1998)
Natalie Portman (*1998)
Christina Ricci (1998)
Fairuza Balk (1997)
Cameron Diaz (*1997)
Minnie Driver (1997)
Alison Elliott (1997)
Jennifer Lopez (1997)
Jada Pinkett (1997)
Charlize Theron (1997)
Renée Zellweger (1997)
Patricia Arquette (1995)
Angela Bassett (1995)
Sandra Bullock (1995)
Linda Fiorentino (1995)
Jennifer Jason Leigh (*1995)
Sarah Jessica Parker (1995)

An asterisk in front of the year signifies the ultimate glory: they made the cover in front of the fold. They were able to gaze out in pouty glee at all those people purusing newstands worldwide. The others, hidden deep behind the fold, cringe in shame.

The men you ask? None of them made it past one cover apiece. Typical Hollywood; women actors get eternal glory while so-called stars like Hanks and Nicholson get tossed aside after one year. What the world needs is MORE Norman Reedus, not less. Give us the Reedus!

REEDUS, BITCH. DEUCES WILD 4 LIFE.

Poland usually owns and shit but what's with a middle-aged man whose most prominent on-screen role ever is rudely saying MM-HMMM, MM-HMMM, MM-HMMM all over his celebrity subjects' ever word to rush the story along dissing some of these AWESOME celebrities.

PAUL WALKER OWNS YOUR ASSES. RUNNING SCARED FUCKING OWNED, as did INTO THE BLUE, and anyone who's not down with either is just a typical no-intensity, fat, squeamish bitch-ass film DORK who's made uncomfortable by GOOD-LOOKING PEOPLE FUCKING SHIT UP because they know in real life they couldn't fucking hang for a second.

BOW TO PAUL WALKER. He is a SUPERIOR HUMAN BEING to each and every one of you and is a GOD. Admit that he's better-looking, cooler, more talented and AWESOME than your hanger-on spec-script writing asses will ever be.

As for that awesome list, Wrecktum, pretty sure LINDSAY LOHAN has been on the cover of VANITY FAIR like a billion times. You didn't mention it.

And that's a veritible ROLL CALL OF HOTNESS. Well, except for the old chicks who are over 37 now.

But every other chick on there is SMOKING HOT. You gonna diss JORDANA BREWSTER? She's awesome.

Anyone who doesn't know who MARLEY SHELTON is probably has never seen a ROBERT RODRIGUEZ movie, because she's in FUCKING ALL OF THEM. Then again, this is a brain trust of CINEASTES where some DOUCHEBAG didn't know JOHN HUSTON had ever acted.

I DEMAND a post from every single Hot Blog reader conceding that they are inherently INFERIOR to any hot celebrity, and that they're a WEAK-ASS DOUCHEBAG smart-ass fucker who's not anything and is never going to be anything.

If you don't sleep with MODELS AND ACTRESSES, you have no room to criticize anyone or anything EVER.

That includes me. I'm a FUCKING LOSER because all I want to do is be famous and RULE SHIT and COMMAND PEOPLE and be WORSHIPPED and have NEON-LIT BAY-SHEENED SEX while 1984 THRASH METAL PLAYS and I am the MOST AWESOME PERSON EVER.

But since that shit isn't happening, I KNOW MY FUCKING PLACE.

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

BE A GOD, NOT A BITCH.

CELEBRITY AND FAME = THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE FUCKING WORLD, EVER.

Oh, and one other thing: PARIS HILTON SHOULD BE PRESIDENT BECAUSE SHE'S THE MOST PERFECT PERSON EVER.

POLAND TIME:
"MM-HMMM MM-HMMM MM-HMMMM MM-HMMMMMMM MMMM-HMMMMM"

What's a Vanity Fair?

Eric: See post above yours.

Enough with America Ferrara. We get it. The frumpy girl CAN win. Yay.

Why was I not surprised at all that that loooong CAPS-enfused entry was going to have a little "Posted by: LexG" at the end. Oy.

"Typical Hollywood; women actors get eternal glory while so-called stars like Hanks and Nicholson get tossed aside after one year."

Riiight. That's it.

I hope that was sarcasm.

lex - i've interviewed walker for every. single. movie. he's done and can testify that he's a complete d-bag....what a tool!....ask him sometime about stealing money from families in the parking lot of magic mountain....oh so hilarious....this guy needs to be put down....

Scooterz, maybe you're just not 'CORE enough to roll with P-Walk. Dude is fucking AWESOME.

I bet he would think I was AWESOME.

You're a cool guy usually but on this issue you might need to get the BOZACK.

Anyone got ripped off by PAUL WALKER ought to fucking THANKFUL for the opportunity.

INTO THE BLUE = ALBA AND SCOTT CAAN

FAST AND THE FURIOUS = NEON AND COOL CARS AND BREWSTER

F&F 2 = MORE NEON AND FLORIA AND REMAR

RUNNING SCARED = MOST HARDCORE ACTION MOVIE SINCE MAN ON FIRE

PLEASANTVILLE = ROCKIN' THE SPOON

EIGHT BELOW = CUTE DOGS

Walker owns your asses.

Admit your haplessness, all weak motherfuckers.

Do you guys HONESTLY not spend EVERY WAKING MINUTE OF YOUR LIFE wishing you were banging starlets?

If not, welcome to THE LIE.

MAN IS GOD.

BE THAT GOD. DON'T BE A BITCH.

BE SUPERIOR.

FUCK! Shut up, Lex!

Meanwhile re: the 2000 posters, I don't think anyone really thought of any of them (except maybe Cruz) as any kind of long-lasting talent. Did anyone? Because thinking back to then my memory is that they were all attractive young stars but not necessarily master thespians.

Try runnin' that shit for real McRod.

You wouldn't have the balls, son.

I should start my own blog and call it The Lex Blog.

I'd be fielding development deals by Thursday, since it's undeniable I'm the funniest and most incisive Internet presence in the history of the universe.

The only thing missing from that 2000 cover is YOURS TRULY. I started ACTING in LA in 1996, so I should have been THE BIGGEST STAR IN THE WORLD by 2000, handily, since it's a given I'm smarter, funnier, and more talented and charismatic than anyone in the history of the fucking world.

I just lack an IN and the will to SUCK ASS.

Cruz is the least talented one on that shit.

Why is everyone here such a BITCH?

Huh?

"I should start my own blog and call it The Lex Blog."

Please do.

Suvari is smokin'.

Klein owns all.

ROLLERBALL OWNS.

SLIPKNOT CAMEO

You're drunk.

For Lex SUPERFAN McM, here's a rule of thumb:

If I post something remotely witty or knowing about cinema, drawing on my not one, not two, but THREE college degrees, it's daytime and I'm relatively sober and complacent.

If I post some AWESOME UNLEASHED MAN IS GOD EGO SHIT, I've consumed my requisite 24 beers, punched myself in the face yelling YOU FUCKING FAILURE, FUCK, FUCKING LOSER YOU FUCKING SUCK YOU PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT for an hour or two, then pumped some iron looking at myself in the mirror and then looked at porn for an hour but refused to whack it for ULTIMATE FRUSTRATION.

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

PENT UP SELF *****HATRED********
]

I WANT TO BE FAMOUS MORE THAN ANYTHING but I'm too old now.

JEFF AND KAMICAZE ARE OKAY GUYS THEY JUST NEED TO LISTEN TO MORE *METAL* AND BONE THE FUCK OUT.

Any second of life spent NOT FUCKING HOT FAMOUS SQUACK is a wasted second.

SQUACK 4 LIFE.

Guys.........
Wrecktum....
Probably the best breakdown of important *useless* info ever. I dunno if you cut 'n pasted that or what.....but man. That really, seriously cleared things up for me. Seriously....fking awesome!!!

Is that even real?

Those people were cover stars and we just sit back and go "ohh yeah, remember when Mira Sorvino was on that pony!?!"Spoonfed people we are. Arguing about Fairuza Balk only makes her relevant again.,...

SARAH WYNTER WAS IN THE SIXTH DAY THAT YEAR FOOLS

KNOW YOUR FACTS

that wasn't sarcasm....wrecktums breakdown was incredibul!!!

You'll note Wrecktum skipped whole YEARS. 07? 03?

Like I said, Lohan has owned that shit before, and she's not on his list.

By the way, I've spanked it to many people on that cover.

Some of the chicks aren't bad either.

ZING.

Absinthe: The Comments Thread.

I remember thinking that Wes Bentley had a real future after American Beauty. And then The Claim didn't live up to the heightened expectations (though, I remember kind of liking it), and then he was gone, only to be subject of parody after parody for the floating bag dance thing. What a sad career.

Jesus Christ. If I were high right now this would be the greatest Hot Blog entry of all time.

But I'm not, and it ain't, yet I still feel like I'm tripping whenever I read anything LexG has typed. I can only image what it'd be like if this blog allowed emoticons.

What the fuck happened to the comments section? A day or two ago I read some of the most ignorant political commentary I have seen from a "Nicol D". (This is saying quite a bit since I do peruse NR's "The Corner" group blog). Now here's another weapons-grade stupid poster who has become some sort of regular.

I thought Lex G's posts were oddly brilliant when I first read them. This guy is for real?

Lex, the main reason Vin wasn't in F&F2 was that he and Paul Walker had too much chemistry (not that there's anything wrong with that)
Mena was cool in that cheer chicks rob the bank movie.
Selma Blair is teh awesome, and will be in Hellboy 2.
Elizabeth Banks was teh hot in 40Year Old Virgin. Mmm...whale tail...

"You'll note Wrecktum skipped whole YEARS. 07? 03?"

Those issues were all dudes. Dudes, as you know, don't count in the world of Vanity Fair.

Cain: Please don't encourage Lex. I for one don't like coming on here and feel like I'm reading a transcript of someone's brain activity while watching a Tony Scott film.

Saying Penelope Cruz is the least talented in that pic tells you all you need to know.

Lex: Put the Volver in your mouth and pull the trigger already.

Bentley is pretty good in "Weirdsville," an Allan Moyle film that played Toronto last fall and had a, uh, limited year-end release.
If you haven't seen it (and who has?), it's worth checking out.
Think "Harold and Kumar Escape from a Tarantino Movie."

Paul Walker is so hot. He was perfectly cast as the wooden, expressionless black-n-white jock in Pleasantville though.

LexG is hilarious. That's all I have to say.

That's one way of looking at it... Every time I see a post of his, the page gets blurry and I wake up face down on the floor a minute later.

What the hell is going on here? None of this shit makes sense. Who really cares? And to answer my own question, Shelton was in Grindhouse. She rules.

I think I prefer the LexG who wanted to slit his wrists last year because he hadn't written for Mick Garris or something. You tube those rants and maybe you'll get a development deal like that Britney wailer. And one day in the future you might even take one up the rear by P-Dawg which will be your 2001 moment, where the cosmos comes together and you are one with all (and walkers mayonnaise)

Wes is a massive druggy

Selma Blair kinda suffers from BRIDGET FONDA-ITIS:

1. She's got some talent and has turned in some terrific performances.

2. She's painfully hot and roundly appealing.

3. Most of the movies she chooses to be in, for whatever reason, tend to suck. Hard.

I love her, though.

But has Blair ever been really popular? Wasn't Fonda quite big early in the '90s with movies like Single White Female and Point of No Return.

Did you guys see Hitch tribute they did?

Pretty stunning.

So is DP dead?

Roman, it's really quite spectacular isn't it? My favourites are Naomi (wow! the only reason I hold any remote hope for that remake of The Birds is because of Naomi), Jodie, Renee (she's opening her eyes so much lately! way to go) and Jennifer Jason Leigh.

I didn't recognize Renee Zellweger at first precisely because her eyes are so wide open.

Blair isn't as famous as Fonda, but I think Blair has been in a larger (or close to the same) number of successful movies. I don't think Fonda has ever been in a movie that's done as well as Legally Blonde did in the US. Granted, Blair wasn't the star of that, but still.

Jeff, have you seen the new (foreign) poster for Leatherheads? You can actually see the white around her iris! I don't think we've seen that since Bridget Jones' Diary!

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