The Hot Blog

Good thing today isn't the fourth, or we would have been subject to all sorts of egregious puns in the headlines tomorrow, especially if one of the candidates won both primaries.

My local multiplex, a 14-screen theater, has scheduled Speed Racer for only one screen. Iron Man has two regular and one digital, and the Kutcher/Diaz movie has two. Not a good sign for the Wachowski Bros. or the Warner Bros.

SPEED RACER'S GONNA TANK LIKE LORI PETTY.

But we all know what R-I-C-C-I spells, so I'll be there regardless.

If Speed Racer is as good as Tank Girl, I'll be happy. Somehow I think I've seen all the Ricci leg in the trailers.

RICCI.

You know the rest.

Hey, how is "What Happnes in Vegas" NOT just a complete rip-off of Larry David's "Sour Grapes," only adding the relationship angle and losing the awesome Craig Bierko?

"WHAT'S YOURS IS MINE, BABY." UGH.

Speed Racer will find the kids. Once again: you folks need to look at the toy isles when you walk past them. The kids are going to eat this up. I am going with 70 to 80 this weekend for this flick. It seems like it's going to surprise some folks, but I never doubt Speed. Scott or otherwise.

"But we all know what R-I-C-C-I spells"

Ricci! Hazaa, I win!

I'd be shocked if Speed Racer does great business. Maybe a decent opening, but beyond that? Does anyone want to see this? I think I kind of sort of do. On DVD, maybe.

I know that I come across as a big blow-hard on this blog, but there needs to be a big blow-hard to give this response. YOU WANT TO SEE FUCKING SPEED RACER ON A FUCKING TV? A FUCKING TV?

The Wachowskis are revolutionizing cinema again, and you want to see it on your TV? You really want a five year old kid be more hip to the future of cinema than you next Monday? Really? Get the fuck out of here.

This however demonstrates in fucking EPIC SIZED SPADES, that people in their 20s lack a sense of fucking WHIMSY! Their inner children died and it's up to Obama to bring them back to life. Freakin hell. IT'S SPEED RACER! SEE IT ON A SCREEN, BE BLOWN AWAY, AND BE SHOCKED AT HOW WRONG YOUR EXPECTATIONS WERE!

How is that goofy-ass looking movie revolutionizing cinema? What makes it look different from Spy Kids 3 (minus the 3-D).

IOI, why are you assuming Big Perm is in his or her 20s? And why bring Obama into it?

While I agree with IO that a movie needs to be seen on a big screen, you can be in touch with your inner child and still be resistant to junk. Year in, year out, Pixar makes films that appeal to everybody, and I mean everybody. I'm certainly not getting that vibe from SPEED RACER.

Yeah, I love Pixar. And as femme as this sounds, if Disney made a fairy tale movie again like Beauty and the Beast I'd check it out. I wouldn't cal Iron Man an "adult" movie and I enjoyed that. But Speed Racer...I have nothing aginst it, and it doesn't look terrible and maybe it's even good. But nothing compells me to see it. I'd rather see a real cartoon than a wannabe.

Jeff: you still do not know to whom you speak. You also once again missed a freakin reference and the key part to that reference. It would be annoying by now, but we are up to like 5 years with these shenanigans. So I am rolling with it. While metaphorically rubbing your hair like Dabney Coleman rubs Matthew Broderick's hair at the end of War Games.

That aside; GOOFY ASS LOOKING MOVIE? GOOFY ASS LOOKING MOVIE? This is why youngsters today are fucking lame. If you take Speed Racer back to 1984. People will flip the fuck out for it. Today: it's apparently a goofy ass flick. Good fucking lord. This makes no sense how people could see something that they have NEVER SEEN BEFORE and refer to it as being "goofy ass".

My name is Paul, and this whack shit is between y'all.

If you took a reel of a Queen Latifah movie and showed it to some bushmen, they'd probably flip out for it too. So what? It's not 1984, last time I checked my watch.

And what in that trailer haven't I seen before? Crazy oversaturated colors? Seen it. People filmed in front of greenscreens so everything looks like a cartoon? Seen it. Monkeys? Seen one once.

I'm not one of those guys who looks at everything and says "seen it before." Everything's been seen before, so that's not the point. But to me, that trailer looks like Spy Kids 3. I didn't want to see that either.

io -- once again, why not wait until you've seen the movie to scream about it?...it's a really pretty kids movie....KIDS MOVIE!....there is nothing there for grown-ups and it's too fucking long for the age it's aimed at.....i've actually seen it and have been saying this for weeks.....
if 'sr' opens at 80, i'll apologize but, right now, you're just the same ol' moron you always are....
xoxo,
s.

This is why I love the internet. Idiot motherfuckers who cannot tell their ass from their elbows and demonstrate a lack of grammar that makes me look like Martha Hacker's best-friend, has the audacity to call me a "moron". Fuck you scoot. Fuck you very much.

So let me get this right you simplistic motherfucker: it's a long kids movie with cars, with cars that look really cool and will melt their heads, and this is a bad thing? CARS, YOU DAFFY BASTARD! CARS.

Also Permie; a trailer is not a movie. Thank you for demonstrating that you are not even worthy of posting on Jeffery Wells' blog. Let alone this one. THE TRAILER? THE TRAILER? Good fucking lord. Your generation is a pisser.

and....since this is byob.....'recount' airs 5/25 on hbo...... best movie of the year, so far...really, truly.....

io -- you really, really shouldn't comment on grammar or spelling....really....
you type in a language not familiar to most of the people here.....
xoxo,
s.

As someone who is neither a Wachowski hater or fanboy (I was immensely disappointed with the Matrix sequels, but loved V For Vendetta--even as a longtime fan of the source material), I'm trying to be open-minded about Speed Racer. I loved the cartoon when I was a kid, and it sure SEEMS like they've done a good job replicating the feel of it.

But I certainly understand how someone could see that trailer and think "no fucking way". What I don't understand is why the hell you'd want to watch it at home. This is the kind of film that, if you are going to like it at all, it's going to be in the theatre where you can get swallowed up by the thing.

See it or don't see it, but waiting for DVD is such an pointless position to take on films like this.

"But we all know what R-I-C-C-I spells..."

'critic' with a typo?

I'm actually more worried about the math that the verbals since her acclaim to success ratio is really pretty lopsided. But if it's some other kind of "really pretty" that's doing it for ya, then by all means, GO my son.

Scoot: I typed like you when I intentionally tried fuck with people in the day. You type that way because you are a half-wit, that lacks the ability to use some proper punctuation.

Oh yeah. Motherfuckers understand Lex. The same motherfuckers understand me. Excuse me for thinking the lame white boy's retort; "I do not understand." Means very little to me. Take that shit outside there... dunderhead.

um...i rest my case...

Okay. This is not the best response above, but damn it I was inspired! A really lame inspired, but inspired nonetheless. Whateverthecase; Laz once again summed up things in a rather kind and concise manner. Three cheers to you Laz. If I were not Bruce Banner. I would hope I could be as rather.... tempered with my comments.

IO, me judging that I don't want to see a movie based on a trailer is the same as you proclaiming it to be genius based on the trailer. You can go to Jeffrey Wells, he makes the same dumb kneejerk reactions as you.

And lazarus, waiting for DVD is not a pointless position for me to take, when you have the sweet-ass system that I do. But even if I had a shit system, waiting for DVD would show a general ambivalence toward something...neither interest or real disinterest. If I catch it, I catch it. I don't really care either way.

"io -- once again, why not wait until you've seen the movie to scream about it?...it's a really pretty kids movie....KIDS MOVIE!....there is nothing there for grown-ups and it's too fucking long for the age it's aimed at.....i've actually seen it and have been saying this for weeks.....
if 'sr' opens at 80, i'll apologize but, right now, you're just the same ol' moron you always are...."

YOUR CASE? MY CASE! DOMINO... PIPPEN STYLE! Seriously; do not play little person. Do not play.

Saying "do not play" is SUCH a nerd response.

Permie: this is what you motherfuckers on this blog need to understand and take to heart. It's not kneejerk... daffy. It's coming at you with what you are giving me. It has nothing to do with the trailer with me. I am down with the Wachowskis. I am not one of those ditzy bitches that would like to forget the Matrix Trilogy had an overall message about the human condition and birth, life, and death. I am down no matter what.

You on the other hand saw one trailer and decided to watch it on your SWEET ASS SYSTEM. Again... you are tired. People with that same response as you... are tired. If you want to see a movie like SPEED-RACER. SEE IT ON THE BIG SCREEN. There is yet to be any resolution on earth that matches a movie screen.

The thing of it is: you have not seen this before. You have never seen this flick. The trailers are the ads. The movie is the art. If you want to judge the art based on ads, then you are making a cheesy as choice. More like a triffling choice, but it is what it is.

A nerd response? Shit. You are bragging about YOUR SYSTEM. Unless your ass in Jon Bon Jovi and has a kick as HOME THEATRE in Philly. You just got a nice TV and STEREO. It's not a SYSTEM. You fucking dork. Once again... you cannot play either. You simply do not got it... trailer-bitch.

you have no play, fool....just gibberish...now, blow me (again)....

Scoot: you are not soliciting strangers to suck your doing on line. Seriously; you need to get a handle on your life, or possibly meet Chris Hansen. The way you type. I would go with Chris Hansen.

can we please cut down on the varities of "fucking" in the discussion?

really.

I'm being called a dork by the guy who only seems to love shit like Speed Racer and Iron Man.

Yep.

i've just been accused of soliciting strangers to suck my 'doing'.... and then had my typing criticized.....
i can only assume io wears big shoes, a red nose and shares a car with 25 co-workers....

Since apparently some people don't know their facts, I'll have to clarify.

R-I-C-C-I spells BONER.

HOTNESS.

Heatiscle: there's a reason why you have a new nickname.

Scoot: that was at least funny. Doink. Doink. Doink. Bloody hell. The damn keyboard fails me. Schucks. Well I will apologize for being blustery to you Scoot because you made me laugh.

Permie: your post is a kneejerk reaction. Leslie Feist has this song about how she "FEELS IT ALL". This means that I can love Iron-Man and even Naked Lunch. Seriously, do not put me in a box, but I will put you in one because you are so damn obvious.

IO is RUNNING SHIT.

He's like my brother from a Memphis mother.

And what box is that IO? What are my parameters?

You've never seen a trailer and thought you might be interested, or not, based on it? That's obviously not the case seeing as you're in love with Speed Racer based on the same marketing materials that makes me disinterested.

Yeah, you're both terrible.
"Jeff: you still do not know to whom you speak. "

One of these days, IOI is going to pull off his rubber mask and we'll all be faced with the visage of the Honorable Henry Kissinger. But until that day...IOI, I'm pretty sure you haven't seen the damn movie either.

R-I-C-C-I spells BONER
H-I-R-S-C-H spells BONER

S-P-E-E-D R-A-C-E-R spells REALLY PRETTY KIDS MOVIE THAT MIGHT PRODUCE TINY BONERS THAT I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT BECAUSE (MUCH LIKE THE FILM) HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE ADULT WORLD

Scooterz, that was uncalled-for and disturbing, even as satire... Ugh...

wow -- on the one hand, disturbing lex is a sort of badge of honor..... on the other, i'm horrified!
my intent was to insinuate that 'speed racer' is stimulating to kids in a way it doesn't appeal to grown-ups....
and....ya know what!?...i'm stickin' to it.....
lex--i continue to be your biggest (only?) fan....but you made a wrong call on this....

Jeff: you are making me freakin laugh. Good times. You also never get a brother's references without fail.

Permie: I will admit this is not exactly the most thought out argument on my part, but I am not a part of the trailer game. I am a part of the whole spending months or years discussing the film game. It's a totally different way of viewing at a film. So the ads, the posters, and the pre-released pics are not a part of the metric for me.

This means that the trailer is like the end of this long drawn out process. So I am either down with this flick from the go-get, or I am surprised with a trailer. Which rarely happens because I am not a part of the world that has movies bite him on the ass.

So there's that and the fact that Scoot misses out on the big general themes of SPEED RACER (Yes... belief in FAMILY and FRIENDS has nothing to do with the ADULT WORLD), that makes me laugh.

I'm going to be watching Speed Racer with my dad this weekend. He watched the series when he was a young teen when it first came to the U.S., and I watched it when I was a young teen when they showed it on MTV. We watched it again about a year ago and shut it off after the first episode because it was so terrible by today's standards, but we'll still see the movie. I've seen the three minutes they put on IGN, and it looks great, the souped-up 60s soundtrack they had in the clip works at updating the style while keeping the feel, and the dialogue is clunky. About what I'd expect. Hopefully, when I see it this weekend, it's fun.

And there's absolutely nothing wrong with being a dork.

I hear Speed Racer has a zero body count, which sucks. The best part of the cartoon was the massive carnage that as a kid I couldn't believe I was seeing. No GI-Joe jumping out of the burning helicopter for THEM!

io -- i have a feeling that lots of things make you laugh...at random....without provocation...just laugh....and then you.....type
lucky us....

Scooterzz, it's all good; I know you're good people and, yeah, I kind of got the point you were trying to make.

This movie still ranks as one of the summer's biggest curios for me; Like I've said before, Hirsch, RICCI, Fox, and the Wachowskis all OWN, and this is one geek entity I actually have a childhood familiarity with...

But that MONKEY.

And that FAT KID.

Oy.

Hey, how much screen time does the AWESOME Jason Street from FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS rack up? He was thoroughly wasted in PROM NIGHT, but good to see folks from that show getting big-ticket movies.

Scoot... yeah... that made no damn sense what so ever. Permie: the Wachowskis probably had a harder time making Speed Racer a viable propery than V for Vendetta because that cartoon is STILL ridiculous. It's still playing somewhere right now. Wherever it's playing. There's some serious ridiculousness going on in people's rooms or living-rooms.

Speaking of Speed Racer as a cartoon, did anyone catch that abominable new Speed Racer cartoon they're showing on Nicktoons? It's called Speed Racer The Next Generation or something. It looks like total rubbish. IO, if anyone deserves your scorn, it's the morons who came up with that thing. I watched for 30 seconds then my eyes started to bleed. It's an insult to cartoons, and to Speed Racer. Ugh.

*DIAZ FLASHES RING AND MUGS EMBARRASSINGLY, FINGER OUTSTRETCHED*:

"WE'RE MARRIED NOW, REMEEEEEEEMBER?"

UGH.

io is totally basking in this.....she's never gotten more attention...

Basking in the attention? Yeah. Karate Champion with a stage-mom. Trust me. I am not a fan of attention.

then stop being an asshole.......you sound like a stage mom

Man, I want to see a picture of IOI in his karate outfit right now.

CHRISTINA RICCI IS THE HOTNESS.

"I am not a fan of attention."

I find that incredibly hard to believe.

You know what though, I totally agree with IO in theory. if you wanna see Speed Racer even remotely then catch it at the cinema. But, as per usual, he went off the rails and started acting like a braindead naffwit.

I feel like brain shedding cells just reading that crap.

Stop feeding the trolls.

Blackcloud, what area do you live in? Most multiplexes are opening more prints of "Speed Racer" than of Ashton-vs-Cameron.

The wild card this week is "Redbelt". It goes national on Friday and -- if New Jersey bookings are a hint -- will go wide.

Wow. The comments section of this blog has really gone to shit lately.

The problems with Speed Racer have always been the following. I say this regardless of the quality of the film:

1. Speed Racer is a niche of a niche of a property. It is the geeks of the geeks who like it. I mean we still haven't got a Captain America movie but we get Speed Racer?

2. The cast, Goodman, Sarandon, Fox, screams TV or past due date. Hirsch is not a star.

3. The Waschowski brand, which this is being heavily sold on, is not at all associated with family films. It is associated with R-rated techno comic fare. V for Vendetta seems more in line with this brand than Speed Racer.

Old Dutch is a toilet cleaning brand in Canada. Then they tried to branch out and sell...potato chips. They failed. Wrong association.

4. The Waschowski "Bros" are not Lucas and Spielberg and took themselves off the market too quickly. They became too reclusive too fast and as a result, nobody really cares about them anymore. Hell, Ilsa Strix probably has a higher in demand rate than these guys at this point among her former clientele.

5. The worst release date in modern Hollywood history. I can hear the meeting now: "Narnia, Iron Man, Indy...yeah they'll all underperform, let's use that to our advantage and give the public what they really want!"

6. Those saying Ricci is the hotness...well you know what..she is and I guarantee you that will be a factor in as many fanboys seeing this as anyone else. That's probably not a good place for this film to be.

7. People already complaining about the length, cutting and visual schematic. Not good.

Upshot...Racer may be a decent film, but it is also going to be the Super Mario Bros of this season.

I'm a 26-year-old, who's pumped about Speed Racer. I'm not sure what that says about me, but the use of color in this movie is one that I've never seen before. I can't wait to see this on IMAX.

I don't think the movie being based on a niche is a problem. It's what you do with it. You sell the film, not the old cartoon that it's based on. Like Iron Man, who knew who Iron Man was? Or Blade...I'd never heard of him until the movie ame out. In a way, niche properties might be best for making genre films because you have the fanbase to spread the word, but to most people it's something new and (hopefully) interesting.

I think it's going to be an underperformer though.

Speed Racer, when we're finally deigned worthy of having it released here, will be the first movie I actively seek out to see in IMAX. Never really felt the urge before to see non-IMAX films there (why pay $20 extra or whatever for a bigger square screen?), but I think I'm gonna take the chance and give it a go.

I don't particularly care if it fails miserably at the box office, as long as it's still good. I still really liked Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow and that died a quick yet painful death at the box office if I remember correctly.

That was also a time when people were saying my Gwynnie was box office poison. Hazaa!

Nicol:

I get the analogy but I fear you are mistaken about Old Dutch. Old Dutch Cleanser is a 100 year old product from California. Don't see it much here in the states, but I guess they still ship to Canada.

Old Dutch Foods is a potato chip company that started in Minnesota. They opened a plant in Winnipeg in the '50s and have been a fairly successful regional brand, even buying out rival Humpty Dumpty. Tasty chips, too.

Wow $6.9 million on a Monday. Lee's is predicting Iron Man will outgross Speed Racer next weekend.

Dunderchief,

Wow. I had no idea. Fair enough.

The logo on the chips is very similar to the one on the cleanser. I always assumed they were the same.

I guess now my aversion to Old Dutch snack foods can be alleviated.

I'm sure Speed Racer's going to underperform, but at least they backed out of their original plan. They were going to release it on the weekend of Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. They would've needed a radio announcer shouting "OH THE HUMANITY!!!!" to properly explain the crash and burn of that box office.

What number would be considered a good opening weekend for Speed Racer?

I'm with brack...I think SPEED RACER looks like a fun time out at ye olde multiplex. Plus, I trust the Wachowski's to bring something visually stunning to the screen.

My only hesitation lies in the fact that I'm dying to see SPEED RACER in IMAX and I think it's next to impossible to *not* love an IMAX movie, especially one with awesome visuals. I'm afraid the IMAX experience isn't the same as the cinematic experience and I don't often see films twice.

The little lady and I saw Speed Racer at the early hour of 10:00am last Saturday in NYC with a bunch of young families. We were searched for weapons, or possibly cameras, at the entrance of the theater.

We kind of liked it! I don't consider myself a geek's geek, but I was a fan of the show, circa 1976. In kindergarten, I wanted to BE Speed Racer, and the movie kind of plays on that.

Despite the length, the kids ate it up. There was a 3-year-old directly behind us that kept on screaming "THE MONKEY IS DRIVING THE CAR!" "THE MONKEY IS DRIVING THE CAR!"

Some quick notes:

- It's too long, with way too much extraneous plotty crap about giant racing corporations, blah blah blah.

- A family film with an edge? Pops Racer regularly curses, unless "ass" is no longer a swear word. Kid brother Spritle does something about halfway through the movie that caused every parent in the house to GASP. It was by far the biggest reaction from the audience.

- The feel of the original cartoon: The non-racing scenes - at the Racer family home, for example - do a pretty good job of recreating the feel of the cartoon, much better than the trailers would indicate. Also, there's a great brawl scene involving the entire family (and NINJAS) that feels like it came right out of the old show.

- The Races: The racing scenes are just as jumbled, weightless and confusing as seen in the trailers, only longer. I never felt any speed or exhilaration watching the races, let alone a realistic sense of weight, gravity, or direction.

As I mentioned above, the kids seemed to love it, and my fiance said that she "felt happy" after watching it, as opposed to Iron Man, which we had just seen 12 hours before. So, in the context of this blog, I'm not sure how it's going to perform Family word of mouth might be good, but I can't see anyone over the age of 10 telling their friends that they HAVE TO SEE THIS.

Yeah, I expect the movie to be good based on word-of-mouth (it certainly has to be better than V for Vendetta) but it has an uphill marketing battle.

To address a couple of Nicol's points, Emile Hirsch starring in the movie is a non-factor - they aren't selling it based on him and putting a 'star' in the role wouldn't fit this kind of movie. I'm sure the Wachowskis, given the choice between starpower vs. more money for visuals, did the right thing.

And no, the W's aren't known for family movies, which is kind of the point - they consciously made this movie hoping to break that barrier.

I'll agree that John Goodman doesn't look like he belongs here, mostly because of how greased-black they made his hair look, like a bad dye job.

Also - I had to look up Ilsa Strix to know who she is. Huh?

"Also - I had to look up Ilsa Strix to know who she is. Huh?"

The joke stands and is relevant but I am not going to touch it. Not even if I had a 7 inch electric cattle prod attached to a tens unit.

'Tens unit'? What matter of wizardry is this of which you speak?

And yes, I know about L. Wachowski's relationship thing...still don't get your joke.

"And no, the W's aren't known for family movies, which is kind of the point - they consciously made this movie hoping to break that barrier."

I do not disagree with this. But from a marketing point of view, why release it at a time when there are already two proven family friendly properties out there (Indy, Narnia) in the same period. Iron Man is not family but certainly will have a large family audience.

All in all, this date was horrible for this film and somebody should have known better.

Chucky, I'm in DC. Showtimes for the other 14-screen multiplex are up now. Looks like Speed Racer has 2 screens there, compared to 2 for Kutcher/Diaz, 2 for Dempsey, and 4 for Iron Man.

Everybody knows who SPEED RACER is. Nobody knew who IRON MAN was. Nobody knows nothing. Still.

No.

I love how Nicol tries to slam Emile Hirsch as not a star (duh) but we allr eally know it's because his neo-con agenda would never allow him to say anything nice about the star of a Sean Penn film.

"Everybody knows who SPEED RACER is. Nobody knew who IRON MAN was."

Yup. Even Stan Lee's staring at his check and wondering "What the fuck do I have to do with a triathlon?"

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