The Hot Blog

Where's Lex at? He's the drink, I'm the straw, and the rest of you are ICE CUBES! THAT'S RIGHT! YOU'RE ICE CUBES!

Strange concept, but does someone in L.A. want to share the ridiculously high membership cost of Amazon Prime 2 day free shipping?

Oh, you don't need to embarrass yourself, just write thollyamazon at gmail.

T.: I get free 2-day shipping on anything I buy off of Amazon for 78 bucks a year. Few things are cooler on the net, then being a Prime member. What exactly do you need sent to you with the quickness?

Unfortunately, IO is probably right. Few things on the net are cooler than being a prime member on Amazon. Which is why the internet is considered a very uncool place.

Is it the most depressing comment ever on how big a pussy everyone in L.A. is that TWENTY FUCKING MINUTES of the news every night have been devoted to THE STORM OF THE CENTURY, aka a light drizzle and some scattered RAIN in SoCal?

All these man on the street interviews with pedestrians all nervous and crazy-eyed, acting like they're under heavy artillery fire or some shit. One of the weathermen actually said, "BY ALL MEANS, STAY INDOORS UNLESS IT'S AN ABSOLUTE EMERGENCY."

It's. Fucking. Rain. Douche.

Almost all the film bloggers live in Brooklyn. Brooklyn is the coolest place on earth and they even know how to cope with rain there. If I lived in Brooklyn, someone would share Amazon Prime with me.

LexG lives in Cali yet he doesn't travel far from the Southland.

That storm dumped a ton of snow everywhere above 3,500 feet. Why else would CHP have to escort everyone going over the Grapevine on I-5?

38 MORE DAYS.

ADVENTURELAND. K-STEW. K-STEW IN CUTE GREY T-SHIRT. FEEL THE HYPE.

I hope that since she's now THE BIGGEST MOVIE STAR IN THE WORLD, Mottola or whatever his name is reedits the film to push her to the forefront and cuts out all the scenes with that douche Ashton Holmes Yeltsin Eisenberg, and makes it ALL K-STEW, ALL THE TIME.

Anyone watching AMERICAN IDOL? (Well, I mean, 50 million Americans are, but probably no one on the Hot Blog)...

Why are so many of these fucking hick idiots married or with kids in their early 20s? WHAT'S THE FUCKING POINT of even TRYING to be famous if you're saddled down with some annoying wife or stupid kid?

If you're gonna do the wife and kid thing at a young age, YOU DON'T FUCKING GET to try to be a singer or celebrity. Go home and burp your kid or something.

50 CENT BLOOD IN THE SAND FUCKING RULES, FUCK YEAH, they should make a movie ABOUT THIS SHIT.

I'm so AMPED UP I wish I could sack up and call a fucking RUSSKI ESCORT OUT THE BACK OF L.A. WEEKLY, PAYING FOR THE SHIT IS THE ONLY WAY TO GO.

Hey, here's a great joke for everyone:

What do my wife and Jessica Alba have in common?

I'm not fucking either one of them.

ZING.

FUCK YEAH.

Oh, and one more thing before someone closes my tab:

OFFICER AND A GENTLEMEN = BEST MOVIE EVER.
DAVID KEITH = BEST ACTOR EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVER.

LORDS OF FUCKING DISCIPLINE FOR LIFE.

I watched the last half hour of OFFICER AND A GENTLMEN seventeen times tonight, a PERSONAL RECORD, DAVID KEITH SO UNDERRATED, so brilliant.

D.O.R.

Oops I just watched the DAVID KEITH PART ONE MORE TIME.

H Y P N O T I C.

I AM DEPRESSED AS FUCK.

RIGHT NOW my BIGGEST FUCKING GOAL IN LIFE is to have the stones to call a fucking escort service, but since I won't, and since I look like BURT YOUNG ON A BAD HAIR DAY, I am not cheered by anything.

I DESPISE MYSELF. I AM WORTHLESS.

Fucking hell, you guys REALLY CANNOT HANG.

Fucking 4:21, still chugging THE BEAM, still wired, and not a soul in site on the ICE COLD BLOG. 9 beers, 1/3 a bottle of Beam.

Fucking MAN UP and DRINK UP, for fuck's sake.

Not like any of you fuckers actually HAVE A FUCKING JOB.

(Cue Bitch Perm's dreadfully unfunny first-thing-in-the-morning, McMahon-penned in the living room "I was doing this and doing this" BULLSHIT thread with his "I HAVE ROOMMATES" fucking poseur hanger on out of state plate McDouche-rooming-with ass. 'Cause Bitch Perm's such a "party guy" that he's up at 7am and on the COLD BLOG every morning with his namedropping ass.)

L.A. RULE #1: If you are over age 21 and you have a ROOMMATE, you are either gay, or you are a COMPLETE FUCKING LOSER. Christ, get your own goddamn pad.

Yes Lex, I am the loser. I also live on the East COast so my 7am is your 10am. How's that career going? I didn't read the rest of what you wrote.

Oh wait, I just did. Good to hear!

You know, a lot of working actors have roommates because they're out trying to make something of themselves and going to auditions and not giving up on life. They may not make it big, but they're not pussy-ass losers like you are.

Lex: the world needs a new Burt Young. DO NOT HATE ON YOUR BURT YOUNG APPEARANCE! THERE IS STILL HOPE FOR YOU! THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE! If the comedy rocks out to Ween like a reggaejunkinjew!