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Don't forget that we have way too many remakes, sequels, and so-called "reboots" being planned for 2009, too.

BARF.

I have all kinds of scripts gathering dust in boxes -- scripts my ex-"manager" couldn't get any traction on.

Anyone interested? Don? Martin S?

Second source:

http://johnaugust.com/archives/2009/notes-on-industry

Oh, balls. There are plenty of excellent scripts out there. They just never get past the 22-year-old readers whose attention wavers on page 4. I once read the coverage on one of my scripts; it was full of things that weren't even in it. I could only surmise that she was watching TV as she was reading and certain things bled together.

In my experience, I would have to say that the stereotype of the 22-year-old-reader-as-studio-gatekeeper is woefully inaccurate.

TOTAL OWNAGE, a SCREENPLAY BY ME:

LOGLINE:
23 interlocking stories of crime, vag, and people getting OWNED. The ultimate Lionsgate Movie. Imagine RUNNING SCARED or CRANK times SHORT CUTS and WELCOME TO L.A.

Someone buy it.

Right after I actually write it.

from that johnaugust thing regarding advice to screenwriters:

'Before you write, ask yourself if this is a movie you would pay good money to see. Will it hold a release date? Then write with conviction.

you gotta be fucking kidding me. yeah, never mind a kick-ass story, a unique perspective or characters with depth, think about WILL IT HOLD A RELEASE DATE. that should do it.

I recently sent two of my scripts to the manager of a successful friend of mine, after he told me he couldn't wait to read them.

Within seconds, literally, I got an email back saying "Neither one is grabbing my attention."

Leahnz: Yeah, but the "would you pay good money to see it" part sounds right to me.

Who paid good money to see THE NINES?

I'm pretty sure DreamWorks Animation canning "Bears Football Project" with the logline of "Animated comedy about a group of bears in the woods who are big fans of The Chicago Bears so they go into Chicago to find out what's up" is a catalyst for this.

And I take it that a Hollywood twist on the Tracy Jordan subplot on the last 30 Rock is in the cards for Entourage's next season.

Recession be damned, i've gotten more requests to have scripts read in the sirst 2 months of 2009 than i did all of 2008.

I was a 22-year-old script reader (okay, 25, but fresh out of college), and from my experience, there aren't as many good scripts out there as you think. I realize I was probably getting the bottom of the barrel since I was the new guy, but I didn't give a "recommend" rating to a single script in a full year of giving coverage. A couple of "consider" scripts, as well as a couple of "consider" writers who showed some talent in scripts that got passed on for a variety of reasons, but I swear a good 95% of everything I read was garbage.

One was so bad I was almost literally in tears - I was exhausted, it was incomprehensible, and I knew I had to make at least enough sense of it to fax over a few pages of coverage before I could go to sleep. This idea of the 22-year-old quitting on p.4 is ludicrous, Cadavra. What if that script was written by an agent's nephew, and that agent is the best friend of your producer-employer? Nobody wannabe writer scraping by in a bottom-level Hollywood job is going to take that chance.

Look, I've been lucky enough to be a very small fish in a very small TV writing pond for about 7 years now. I love my job, it pays me just fine, so I promise it isn't jealousy or bitterness talking when I say that most spec scripts are flat-out terrible. And those were just the ones with enough representation or connections to get coverage at a major Hollywood production company.

I guess the good part of that (and I think I'm borrowing from one of Terry Rossio and Ted Elliot's early "Wordplay" columns here) is that if you really do write something great, it should stand out easier.

Oops. That should be "NO wannabe writer..." at the end of paragraph 2. Usually I proofread these things before posting...

Trust me: if you want to read very, very bad scripts, serve as judge for a film festival's scriptwriting compeition. As Jeremy Irons said in Reversal of Fortune: You have no idea....

I was trying to think of a job that would require reading worse scripts than studio reader gets. I knew there had to be at least a few. I was thinking college film professor, but festival judge wins in a landslide.

You have my pity, Joe.

Brandon: I didn't say she quit on page 4; I said her attention wavered. She read to the end, but as I said, there were things in her synopsis that simply weren't in the script.

SJR: You're right. The 22-year-olds are now "creative executives." Don't get me started on these people.

What does all of this talking have to do with Watchmen?

My mistake, Cadavra. I did read your whole post, but I guess my attention wavered on word 4.

I didn't read what BrandonS wrote past his first word. I was going to...let me explain. See, I was hanging upside down from my ceiling and saw the first letter of his sentence...upside down, it looked like a "W." I thought he was going to say something about Watchmen. But then I got down and looked at it right side up, and realized it was in fact an "M" and had NOTHING to do with Watchmen. So I didn't read it.

Brandon: Hahaha. Well played, sir.

Not to go all DONNIE DARKO on anyone, but:

Remember when it was like 1987 or 1988 and Tears for Fears' HEAD OVER HEELS was on the radio and you were starting to OWN and had YOUR WHOLE LIFE AHEAD OF YOU and were sneaking cigarettes and smoking MENTHOLS and had a MULLET and were in 9th grade and feeling like FUCK YEAH, THE WORLD OWNS, I'm going to RULE SOMEDAY?

CAN YOU REMEMBER those days? CAN YOU REMEMBER 9TH GRADE IN 1988 and starting have junior high girlfriends and going to PARTIES and sneaking booze and BEING LIKE, I AM POSITIVE because THE WORLD RULES?

How many of you knew then that FUCKING TWENTY YEARS ON, you'd be a way bigger LOSER than you were at 15, drinking cheap beer in a small apartment and NOT FUCKING MODELS and NOT BANGING ACTRESSES and NOT HAVING YOUR SCREEN ACTORS GUILD CARD...

And CONTEMPLATING SUICIDE every FUCKING SECOND of your life, WATCHING THE DAVID KEITH HANGING FROM OFFICER *60 TIMES A WEEK* and being like, OH COOL, INSIDE MOVES IS ON DVD I can watch John Savage JUMP OFF THAT FUCKING BUILDING AGAIN AND AGAIN?

Who knew that an earnest, Menthol-loving budding film geek who just wanted a ST ELMO'S FIRE ROLLING POSSE and a fistful of vag could turn into a SELF-DESPISING, MISERABLE, NOTHING-MAKES-HIM-HAPPY fucking sadsack Burt Young/Al Bundy fucking SLOB LOSER FUCK who can't PULL CHICKS and JUST WANTS TO HAVE A HOLLYWOOD CAREER in ANY FUCKING WAY, be it PORN ACTOR or FILM CRITIC or A-LIST MEGASTAR or SCREENWRITER OF TOTAL OWNAGE, but has to clock in *90 HOURS A WEEK* doing the most MUNDANE BUSYWORK shit EVER.

Must be FUCKING NICE to get PAID to see MOVIES, which I do four times a week and can FUCKING CIRCLES around half the FUCKING WORLD but it would interfere with my busy DOING WORK and NOT FUCKING VAG schedule.

I AM MOVING TO FUCKING THAILAND and DRINKING MYSELF INTO FUCKING OBLIVION while BEING TREATED AS A FUCKING KING.

Fuck it, this was a stupid fucking post.

I should start putting this weak shit up on THE LEX BLOG but I'm too lazy to add any interesting content to my own site and it's amateur as fuck.

FUCK EVERYONE IN THE WORLD. FUCK THE WORLD.

FUCK IT *ALL*.

Must be nice, going through life with a smile and a line of fucking shit.

I wish I could do that, but I fucking suck.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANGING.

hey POLAND, yeah I know you'll get all pissy and not read this shit,

But it would be REALLY entertaining if there was a regular MCN video feature where LEX AND A PORN STAR reviewed movies together, and I spent most of the time drunkenly hitting on her in between offering cogent criticism.

And does ANYONE here have the hookup with ANY female adult film stars? Poland won't bite but I think THAT'S A GOOD IDEA, and me cohosting with a delightful, sunny porn chick while I'm all misanthropic and suicidal and dark would be TELEVISION GOLD, and should TOTALLY HAPPEN.

Kind of like the COLIN'S SLEAZY FRIENDS version of AT THE MOVIES.

GREAT IDEA. GREAT.

Now that we know that supposedly you're not druunk and married with kids, that makes your posts all the more losery.

And if the porn star's name is Kitty, they could call the show Lex in the Kitty!

Can I take the time to mention that my friend is an agent to porn actresses, and sometimes when I'm in LA I hang out with them? A few of them are big stars, I'll put in a word for Lex. They're usually very nice. Crazy, but nice!

Any of them make movies for Vivid Entertainment? Because -- seriously -- there will be a panel/seminar focusing on Vivid at SXSW in a couple weeks.

To be honest I don't know. I'd have to think so, because the girls I met work a lot in a variety of movies and websites.

Big Perm even if you told Lex that they all wanted to meet him he'd be "busy".

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