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June 23, 2008

Star Maps

I feel a burning urge to respond to Anne Thompson’s “Fluke Zone” piece, but I am having a hard time nailing down what she is actually arguing.

First, the idea of a “Fluke Zone” is demeaning to the efforts of the talent being discussed and misses the point… it’s anything but a fluke.

There is no such thing as “can’t miss.” There is such a thing as being “can’t miss in a vehicle that connects with your primary demographic.”

There are almost never more than 2 such stars in the business at any one time.

There are stratifications of this principle as well.

Adam Sandler and Denzel Washington are completely reliable stars in America… and reliably have not translated overseas, though Denzel seemed to be improving his standing with Déjà Vu… but then crept back with American Gangster, even with Russell Crowe by his side.

The reason Brad Pitt is “such a big star” is not America, but overseas. He hasn’t had a film perform better in the US than overseas in many years. He has 15 titles with over 60% of their revenue from outside North America, including a 73% overseas stake on Jesse James last year. As a result, he’s only had two films do less than $100 million worldwide in the last 15 years and 10 that have done at least $100 million overseas alone.

Will Smith is the biggest star in the world right now because his films play worldwide and has had just two of his thirteen movies starting in 1996 (ID4) come up short of $100 million domestic and $220m worldwide. And it’s now been seven years since Ali, the last “flop.”

Part of this run, however, is that he’s only gone away from his base once in these last seven years… for The Pursuit of Happyness, which did over $300 million worldwide.

Being a mega movie star is, in great part, about knowing what people want to see you do and doing it.

The decade-long run of Tom Hanks was 13 movies long, the only box office “underperformer” being Philadephia, which did $77 million domestic, $202 worldwide, and won him an Oscar. It was also the only film that Hanks did that was out of the two stock characters he player – Earnest & Goofy.

Tom Cruise’s big run was 14 years and 14 films, though he had two underperformers with Eyes Wide Shut and Magnolia, two efforts to work with top drama directors and/.or to win awards that were not won. But aside from that, a dozen $100 million+ domestic/$200m+ worldwide hits.

Conversely, Julia Roberts run was four years (1997-2000), seven films… with only four of the films cracking $100 million domestic and all for doing over $30m internationally. While she became as star in 1990 with Pretty Woman, she never seemed to be able to deliver the nine-figure grosses more than a couple times in a row. Sleeping With The Enemy would be followed by FlatlinersHook and Pelican Brief by I Love Trouble and Something To Talk About. That kind of thing.

Harrison Ford, by the way, always felt huge. But he was forever coloring out of the lines and never had The Big Run. The only time in his entire career when he has done $100 million domestic back-to-back were the two times he did Star Wars and Indy back-to-back. In fact, aside from those franchises, he’s had only four films gross $100 million domestic… and one of those was a franchise movie (Jack Ryan). And only three of those four cracked $200m worldwide. Beloved movies like Witness and Working Girl and Presumed Innocent were hits, but not blockbusters. And he always had the tendency to throw some real duds – often ambitious duds – in between the hits.

Stars are valued by their ability to open movies. Mega stars are valued by their ability to open and then deliver $100 million-plus consistently.

Robert Downey Jr. and Shia LaBeouf are talented, but there is no indication that either one is a sure opener. Not even close. The only film LaBeouf has ever opened to real business was Disturbia ($22m) and the film didn’t manage $100 million domestic in spite of great reviews and it came up short of $120 million worldwide. Good for Disturbia, but not a money-in-the-bank star. And anyone who even tries to argue that he had any significant role in opening or delivering on Transformers or Indy 4 needs shock treatment. He may become a star – I imagine not – but he is not close to being money now.

As for Downey… love the work… but if you would gamble money on him delivering a $100 million gross in anything but Iron Man, I’ll sell you a bridge and the papers on Tobey Maguire to boot.

Anyway… this is why this is a difficult conversation. Perception is not reality… but it is real.

And Hollywood wants us to believe in stars because that makes them more valuable as commodities. But as commodities go, very, very few ever have even a remarkable short run, much less the decade or so that the very biggest stars manage to get through.

December 10, 1997

Robert Downey Jr. is Headed to Jail for Six Months

Nothing is sadder than watching someone who has it all throwing it away.

Sources inside the Scorsese camp say that despite taking a public position that it wouldn't allow the Chinese to influence its release of Kundun, Disney is planning on pulling the film after four weeks and not spending much in its Oscar promotion. Of course, it's possible that the studio just isn't enthusiastic about the film. People angered by the lack of a distributor for the new Lolita tend to blame the sexual politics and forget that R-rated sex-themed films don't do much box office.

Speed Racer is back on track at Warner Bros. with Alfonso Cuaron, who has the current-day version of Great Expectations on tap, at the helm. The expectations aren't that great, with budget cutting becoming the primary factor in generating a green light on the film. So much for the CG Chim Chim.

Tori Spelling continues to warp reality. In Scream 2, she appears as the butt of a joke from the original film (Neve Campbell's Sydney jokes that Tori would play her in the movie -- and in this one, she does) and now she plays a college student who's kidnapped by mistake. The bad guys were looking for the daughter of a millionaire and they get a chemically unstable Tori.

George Clooney has left the West. The Wild Wild West. The project, which stars Will Smith as the heroic Jim West just wasn't fitting Clooney's image of himself as Artemus Gordon. Or something like that. All I know is that Clooney, Smith and director Barry Sonnenfeld are some of the easiest-going people in Hollywood, at least interpersonally. Something really interesting must have happened. But more importantly, who will play the evil little person, Dr. Miguelito Loveless?

Don't forget, I'm always open to e-mail.

November 05, 1997

Titanic Finally Set Sail in Japan

With a triumph for Jim Cameron and an even bigger one for Paramount and 20th Century Fox publicity. For Cameron, it was the wildly enthusiastic reaction of the crowd to the film. For the studios, it was their success in getting a handle on the estimates of overwhelming production costs that have been bandied about by the media. Back while the film was shooting, estimates ran up to $300 million. But, Entertainment Weekly serves up a warm, wet smoochy, Cameron-driven cover story on Titanic with the $200 million tag and BOOM!, the media falls in line. Remember when you read this stuff -- those of us who write it tend to be a bunch of bleating sheep. But in the end, who really cares? No one goes to the theater to see a budget. They go to see movies that they'll like and, apparently, Titanic is one of those. Congratulations to all.

Another test of the media's honor is the Roman Polanski story. He's coming back and is getting away with child molestation. Has he paid his price by way of exile? Perhaps. But the tendency in the Hollywood culture is to forgive the "indiscretions" of its own. Indiscretions are anything that doesn't cost me money. I don't know whether it's better, or even more disgusting, that the precocious object of Polanski's lust has sold her story to "Inside Edition." Samantha Geimer will appear in a two-parter just in time for November sweeps. Makes you want to take a shower just reading it, huh?

The inalterably pleasant Yasmine Bleeth is set for her first feature film, It Came From the Sky. She plays a mysterious stranger who is either a con woman or a real-life angel, Non-Charlie Division. She starts the film after completing her latest TV movie, The Lake, a science-fiction thriller about a small town that does a reverse Stepford as locals turn evil after being sucked into the water. Get it? Shawn Weatherly turns into Erika Elaniak who turns into Nicole Eggert who turns into Pam Anderson who turns into Yasmine Bleeth who turns into Gena Lee Nolin who turns into Donna D'Errico. They all play the same character, don't they?

Have some of your own indiscretions? Well, I'm not a priest, but I'll listen to your confessions. Email me.

October 23, 1997

Sondra Locke Finally Settles Lawsuit

Sondra Locke's finally settled her lawsuit against Warner Bros. that claimed the studio bilked her out of a three-picture deal because of former beau, Clint Eastwood's influence rather than because of the uniquely worthless Ratboy, the first film in the deal. So what does she do? A nasty tell-all book! Oooooh! Just check out these amazing morsels! Eastwood didn't know who Barbara Walters was! Oooh! Aaah! Clint liked the much-younger Locke to call him Daddy! Oooh! Aaah! Eastwood started whispering after noticing that it worked for Marilyn Monroe! Who the hell is she kidding?! O.J. spent two years on trial for murder, Chrisitian Slater's biting the women that Marv Albert is missing, Robert Downey Jr. is waking up in Baby Bear's bed and the President of The United States is releasing information about his penis in press conferences! If Clint didn't have sex with Burt Reynolds and that stupid orangutan while holding up a 7-11 with a bazooka, who's going to notice?!

Starship Troopers' star-on-the-rise, Casper Van Dien, is about to go native as Tarzan for Warner Bros. Tarzan Jungle Warrior. Van Dien follows superstars Christopher Lambert and Miles O'Keefe in the role. Did I say superstars? I meant guys who clean bars.

Jon Peters, who has produced a grand total of zero hits since Batman and he and his partner Peter Guber teamed up to lose billions for Sony, has decided repetition is the most likely formula for hitmaking. First, he set up the feature version of The Wild Wild West starring Will Smith. Then there's Superman Reborn, except with a wild-eyed lunatic (Nicolas Cage) as the Man Of Steel. Now he's ready to move on from old TV shows and comic books to classic films with The Trail, a remake of the 1956 John Ford classic, The Searchers, except it's set in space! What's next? A remake of Peters' Bonfire of the Vanities with funny jokes and a comprehensible plot?

Do you have any bad ideas for worse remakes? Email me.

October 22, 1997

Robert Downey, Jr. in Rehab

You've been arrested for sleeping in your neighbor's bed because you were so high you returned home to the wrong house. You've been arrested, high and drunk, with a loaded weapon in your glove compartment and cocaine and heroin in your pocket. You got special dispensation to take a week-long holiday from your rehab program to host Saturday Night Live, where you used to work high every week. Despite some difficulties with completion insurance and the fact that you've yet to prove that you can draw a dime of box office, your movie career is stronger than ever. What would you do? What would you do? If you were Robert Downey Jr., you'd do some more illegal narcotics. And if you were Judge Lawrence Mira of Malibu, you would revoke Downey's probation -- well, eventually -- and let the poor boy finish his movie first. It's good to be a star.

Mercury Effect is the latest spec script purchase for Warner Bros. The story, in which the FBI investigates some really smart animals who are eventually connected to the monkey sent into space in the Mercury 6 program 35 years ago, was pitched as Jumanji meets Men in Black (sounds more like a Planet of The Apes sequel). Was it coincidental that the executive who agreed to the $450,000 pricetag is exactly 35 years old and has hairy knuckles? You decide!

L.A. Confidential's resident hunk, Russell Crowe, will follow in the footsteps of mega-superstar Emilio Estevez by playing a hockey-playing sheriff of a small Alaskan town who leads the local hockey team against the NHL's New York Rangers in an untitled movie written by TV-kingpin and Michelle Pfieffer spouse David E. Kelley. Titles already passed on include The Mighty *ucks!, The Flighty Schmucks and Sports Underdog Movie Number 1273.

Have a better title? Email me.